its just sometimes, i forget who you really are.

What?

2009-05-28T04:18:00.004+08:00

Hello.
I am going to sleep at 4+am now.
Wanted to write about something I was thinking about just now but it seems long.
Anyway, does anyone has any idea why i cant blog on iphone? the keyboard doesnt appear at the create tab.

Friends, faster pick up the pace and catch up with me.
I may be depressed but I wont allow myself to fall back. (HAHHAHA act only)
Fasterrrrrrrr!
Um think positive?

Im not particularly excited at the thought of post-exams nor am do I feel a sense of emptiness like in poly days.
Perhaps the reason is because I didn't really put in ALOT of effort to strive for results back then. And therefore I felt empty at the end of exams.
But right now I do not feel particularly happy or sad but a smooth mood.
Yes I have things and shows to watch but I no longer feel exhilarated.
Well i supposed this time round the materials and school standard is higher, which makes your effort increase. And please, the passing mark is 34 because of the difficulty and strictness in marking and not because its easy to scrap a pass.
Shut up if you dont know. So actually if one scored 50 its like a 70+ in a normal standard exam, and my school levels itself on whatever classes and first-class honours.
I think it'd be good to get first-hons but lets just deal with the facts.
Its wonderful to have left one final paper, in the day after next and I cant revert my diligence. Yeah maybe I could be very hardworking given a second chance but seeing the impossibility so that Im not, and I dont want to work so hard either.
tsk tsk tsk, wake up you kids.
I have more pressing matters! (I sound like Dumbledore.)
Further, I cant be that diligent and productive like I used to be.
I dont return home to revise my work and complete my homework before doing anything else.
Circumstances change.
There's many things to think about and do!
Oh boy I wish I could see how people have nothing to think about and just study like their lives depend on it. (nooooo it doesnt.)

Boohooo I sound so exhausted.
My shoulders ache right now again.
So mom, if you're still here, can you take them off me?
I want to get off, thanks.
Love you.
But i miss you more.

ok 430am now im gonna crash. til then, children.

Seven Pounds

2009-05-21T02:23:00.003+08:00

I downloaded Seven Pounds by Will Smith and just finished watching.
Tskk. It's a total worthy watch.
I can't help but was once again amazed by his great acting skills; your heart goes all out to him.
The plot attracted me from the start, it goes as follows:
The show begun with Will Smith being traumatised by an accident he caused sometime ago, which includes the death of his wife (they probably just got married) and 6 other strangers (probably on the way to or back from a trip).
He couldn't live with himself and spent the last few periods of his life looking for good people to give himself to.
His best friend, from youngster childhood helped him along in finding these people and settling donor issues.
This particular scene made my heart ache: the friend, dan was upset that Will was questioning his ability to honour what was being said i.e. that he will help him in fulfilling these "pound wishes". Dan was crying and kinda promised he wouldn't go back on his word and that he knew him his entire life.
Thing is, Dan was actually hurting so deep inside because obviously he didn't want his best friend to go, but couldnt stop him/did not want to. This reminded me of a book by Jodi Picoult I read earlier on, The Pact - where the 2 antagonists who also grew up together every single day ended up in a situation where one had to be the one holding a shotgun to the other's head. After reading I couldn't put it to myself how could the guy (I forgot his name) let Emily Gold (yes this i remember) die and didn't actually went to find out what was really happening. How???
Further, what she was dealing with really can be lightened if she had chosen to share with her family etc.
But then about a week after finishing the book, I concluded that I would too.
Well the idea is simple as you simply let your friends or loved ones do what they want, though it might be detrimental. But seriously, I would let you go if that's what you really want. It would be painful to stop someone from doing what he wants in the first place. And that person would have given much thought to it.
Because he probably loved her too much and cared too much for her, whatever she wanted were his wishes.
I KNOW. TOTALLY.
What you can do is to stand aside and smile, while fighting to keep your tears from even forming.
Anyway... in the show, Will divided his assets which includes property and organs like lungs, liver, heart, eyes. Yeah into 7 parts. (HAHAHHAHA he must have been a supporter of Voldemort.... errrr harry potter if u dont know).
There were several heart-aching scenes so do give it a watch when you feel down. HAHHA only make you feel worst but that's what I love to do.
I loved the way he acted his emotions through his facial expressions. A frown, nod of the head and viewers can practically die. I swear all Will's shows are good. Like Pursuit of Happiness etc etc. Seriously.....
who wants to watch shows like night at the museum 2 or bolt or madagascar 1 2 3 4 5 10000? Unproductive and doesn't get you thinking.
WE ALWAYS NEED TO THINK OKAY.
(hahaha bitch)

Anyway Will gave a call to Dan when the time was right and all he said was "Its time. I love you". OH MY GOD.
He proceeded to commit suicide, choosing a method I'd never think of (creativity points here). His acting was damnn flawless at that point.
Oh yeah, before he did the do, he called up the ambulance and the conversation goes as follows:
Will: I need an ambulance.
Operator: What is the emergency? (something like that..) and then followed by clarifying address and room number.
Will: There's been a suicide.
Operator: Who is the victim?
Big pause. As award winner Will tilts his head and frowns, holding excruciating pain in his features, doubled with confusion blah blah blah the list goes on for a 5 seconds show.
Will: Myself?
Oh dear.. Im afraid Im able to regurgitate everything and I have good memory for these things. Im certain there's a storage in my mind that keeps scenes from movies I watched, seriously. I always remember the plots.
Throughout the show there were short flashbacks of the accident but the last full one was shown before he killed myself (I TYPED MYSELF, I MEAN HIMSELF.) DAMNNNNN ITTTTTTTTT.
I regretted changing the controls for volume settings for bass, dynamic and what shit at the start of the show. The whole impact just sends goosebumps from all the banging and car turning; I couldnt help it to rewind and rewind.
Seriously, I know why they all die from crashes. Just look at the way they are thrown and shoved about. They could have survived, but they didn't.

Okay enough, go watch if you're keen.
Its a slow and deep show though, do try to understand or you'd be confused and bored.
For a light change, Im going to watch prisonbreak season 4 ep 17 now.
It just gets BETTER.
Dont know why people missout on these stuffs and go on to watch really crazy shows.
Wake up already, you kids.
Oh yeah, catch "the bucket list" if you are free too.
Its slow and deep too, and talks about 2 old men on the brink of dying from illnesses forming lists of what to do before they "kick the bucket".
It wasn't that touching for me, maybe the reviews again thwarted my expectations.
But this is even slower than Seven Pounds. Good for peace watching though.

And, when is harry potter: the half-blood prince coming out?
Its been decades sisters..

ps: i didn't strike 4d. and 1 more paper!

I want to get off too.

2009-05-15T19:06:00.004+08:00

I have no idea why friends read my blog. (Er, okay i know some dont bother.)
The blocks inside me sink even deeper each time I even scroll through any of my entries.
It makes me so depressed.
I hate writing about ugly things seriously. So dont read okay! Really, dont bother.
I just want to make a note somewhere, somehow.

I just came across this conclusion in my mind:
When you've cried so many times alone, you no longer seek for "a shoulder to cry on".
Even one day, when it comes begging for you to lay on it, you've become so accustomed to crying alone.
Time passes and you would no longer need that, anyway, you never had it in the beginning.
Its times like these that one realise that was what everyone ought to be doing.
Cause end of the day we all have to deal with our problems ourselves.
Its really hard to be cheered up by small things, big things, one can only feel so stagnant and blah, blah blah.

Right now there's this ultimate huge bag of worries; fears; uncertainties; tears and whatnot on my shoulders. Literally. My shoulders feel very weighed upon and heavy.
I know its there.

Its hard to get better! Really.
I am not excited at going outside, hanging around dont know where; wherever, doing things with people.
Seriously, its not just the exams but there's this un-cheered up situation happening inside me. I really dont want to do anything. It doesnt matter whether I'm living good, performing well in school, enjoying life's most beautiful things.. u know they're out there!
It simply doesnt matter la.
But of course, I still reflect upon my mistakes in my recent papers.
I cant make mistakes okay. How could I have?
Bag is on my shoulder now. I cannot fault.
HAHAHHAhA bitch.

I planned to write the first thing on this post some weeks ago.
I want to say I am sick of writing unhappy incidents much less reading them.
I want to say I will try try try to make things seem like they're on a lighter note.
Last week I wanted to say I was looking forward to winning 4d.
Yeah this is the most mediocre thing I hold some hopes in.
I want to get a new couch for the house, since everyone refuses to replace the current one. AND its beyond repairable; seeable state.
I also want to get a new TV for my grandma living in that mess of her place.
I can skip extracting the winnings cause I dont want anything.
Sob sob sob.
Today is friday! I will buy 4d again this weekend about my candidate number and desk numbers this week.
Isn't it miserable I can only put this under the 'lighter notes' section of my even more miserable blog?
Oh my god, I want to have the dough to buy those stuffs not because I'm expected to, because I think its natural to do them. And why is no one doing them? Seriously if people behave in a more other-regarding manner, I guess the bag on my shoulder will be lighter. Because I think Im expected to do them, not obliged though.
Sobsobsob.
I feel so miserable being other-regarding.
Fuck it. I dont want to think in this way too, but they come.
I want to be happy being considerate and nice too.
Yeah I do, but the other half of the time I feel the other way.

ANYWAY.......!!!!!!!!! OKAY [insert happy things]
I have 2 more theory papers to go.
I bought iphone last month. (I really cant be bothered to think so much about the costs and value etc, we cant spend so much time thinking about such things.)
Even if whatever was a unwise decision, its really okay.
Being penniless doesnt affect me alot mentally. Just deal with it la.
Thinking about how I see things affect me mentally.
If I made a wrong decision for being a spendthrift, really nothing.
Maybe thats why my dad really wont be too mad over my purchases (though really not very ridiculously exorbitant), we are so tired to weigh the pros and cons of getting things done.
These are nothing compared to serious problems.
I am always broke and I deal with it.
We are always broke and cant afford to get a new couch, wait for 4d!
Chicken nuggets.

The other day he was just telling me off at the supermarket.
Hmm not much of a scolding but I had wanted to buy Ben&Jerry's ice cream, since it was on promotion for the small tubs.
Obviously it was a steep price relative to cheap paddlepop in the oh-so-old-mama-shop.
He wondered why must I always use or want good things - shocking!!!!
Got meh got meh?
At times I seek for quality with my earnings and I do reflect what.
And ALSO, really not very expensive. HAHAHAH BITCH.
Anyway I never bought B&J's from the mart before and its been 1yr+ since I ate in the shops.
By the way.... the ending was us walking away and he saying whether I want to get it or not after asking me about the other cheaper ones (dont know what lousy brand in blue tubs and many colours and not very nice flavours I assume).
Actually I already brought down the money but we didnt get it.
I did consider okay! I saw it the day before and wanted to get it the next time if it was still on promotion.
Of course I rejected his kind offer, because he said I shouldn't get it in the first place.
And I know he always let me have the right of way so I politely refused.
HOHOHOHOO.
End up 2 days later he went to the mart and called me.
I still insisted I dont want the ice cream already man. Really, forget it la.
As usual, I will/can deal with it.
After much asking and persuasion, I hung up the phone.
But he came back with the ice cream okay.
Hello hello!!!!!
End up no promotion ahhahahahahha. We went back to change to big tubs (a different promotion).
Moral of the story: Sometimes i make wise decisions.

The other very light note I should draw out: I am very happy to have a filial dad cause I am filial too. I should feel blessed. Yeah I do what. I often think to myself I'd give him the world if I can, as I watch him sleep. (hahha yes I like to do that; its like watching your own flesh sleeping at peace). Im really grateful to have good parents and I wanna thank my dad for giving me whatever I want, literally. Even when he says I am spending money, he still cant bear to note let me. (of course la, considering my other-regarding sentiments). Even if he doesn't (its right also), it'd be good too to enjoy lesser love.

I need to make a mental note about telling him how I feel, after my exams.
That day there was some happenings and I almost wanted to breakdown (actually everyday when I think of whatever, I want to) hoping he'd understand why I am still here.
I cant believe what he said.
I appeared calm, managing my tears and irrational outburst waiting for a better time.

REALLY. With all these how can I be bothered about purchasing decisions and competing with the world at getting a degree?
*Bag!

I sincerely hope that many lost souls out there can be more unselfish and think more for the family. If everyone plays their part, we will not have elders being treated as kicking balls but instead everyone fights to do their part - fighting towards a trend for staying with the ones who raised them and not fighting to stay away from them. Elders will be happy and cared for, you live even happier. For whatever reason, they took care of you when you couldn't fend for yourself. They could and CAN leave you to grow up and move on to their careers, RELATIONSHIPS, goals like what you're doing exactly now. When you're at the highest peak or at the golden times of your life, they grow weaker and can fend less for themselves. Please come back in for they held you in their arms because you were hungry. For god's sake.
And no, its certainly not obliging for parents to care and raise kids. So be content. You can alter your career decisions, change a new partner but you only have one mom and dad.

To am, to yang, i want to get off too.
Believe me, I want to.

references: cry on my shoulder - 21stcentur Deutshl. sucht den Superstar

Chest pain

2009-03-30T01:32:00.003+08:00

Anyway, last night I had this pain in my left chest.
My dad suggested going to the hospital but i thought to myself it wasn't that serious.
Seconds later, he flopped back into bed. It was 5am and I was just going to crash.
I was shocked at how ridiculous his advise was; but then a thought occured to me.
What if I just died while trying to sleep and this was like a heart attack?
Then I kinda got paranoid and sorta wanted seek consultation right away.
Seeing many reports lately on healthy people just having seizures and passing on has frightened me.
Thing is, I wasn't afraid of falling down.
When I layed there clutching my chest, I knew I couldn't let myself die cause this man beside me will die as well when I am gone.
I couldn't be that cruel & selfish to leave him to suffer even more than what we are living now. Its just that I love him too much that for once I wanted to face my health with a straight face.
So, I decided.
Another is, I could have just go on anyway. That'd mean I love myself more. Cause I'm letting myself go and too bad dad, I just cant bear to let myself go through another death. Sorry... its painful but I'm letting you do it because I dont want to.
It saddened me because I'm thinking for him more than I should for my own well-being. And that will only result in myself suffering. AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF IT, ISNT IT?
It also came as a shock that I cant be bothered with myself passing on, its just the living ones that matter. I'm really not afraid to die, im just afraid what is going to happen after i die. Its really okay to go. Really.
It's such a irony man. When youre thinking more for others, you actually want to think more for yourself. I mean, it's really unfair to myself as opposed to the sufferings. So things like you'd have more composure when you put others infront of youself do not exist.
Wake up already, you optimistic people.
Wake up.
That happiness & composure would be you youself suffering and sometimes, all the time, this pain is not what you want.
AND.
When you think of yourself more, you'd be unhappy cause you're selfish. You would want to think more of others now.
In a nutshell, this stupid theory is based on your values towards that 2 factor. And yeah, I think I'd let myself suffer instead of him. Because I love him too much to see (ok i cant see when im dead) him suffer the aftermath.
That's all the more I feel sad cause Im unable to think for myself.
Now why cant I be the one who doesnt have to be put up for all these?
Why cant I?
Then the whole theory starts again.
ANYWAY When he goes I'd just put on a pretence every single day & drop dead when I find my way home. Erm home?

Bye guys.
Do stop being optimistic; it makes me sick.
Sicker.

Thoughts

2009-03-30T01:00:00.002+08:00

I've always been intending to blog, and when I got here I just cant remember what I've previously thought about writing.
I usually form ideas of my thoughts while trying to sleep, and cause I always cant sleep, I always think about what to write about.
Argh.
Well the general idea I got lately is I've been losing something in life.
I used to be really working for something, something like a bond; love; goals; my life. I used to study hard & play hard since I was born.
When I left secondary school, my life went downscale in poly.
I guess it'd have been better (I THINK) if I should have done something more there.
It's like an empty empty shell. After secondary, I just slacked my way through, sleep, gain weight, sleep, eat, gain weight, until now. I still sleep and eat like crazy.
Comparatively, in secondary life was so fun & really memorable, having met so many people who became important to me now. And the things we did were so full of love, care&concern, respect and fun. We can never go back to that summer of 2001,2002 onwards.
Books and writing are my life; it took me so long to accept the point.
Somehow I should have gone into that light. But nonetheless, im okay here.
Ive decided to write something after my exams end.
Ive been reading very nice books lately, and its amazing how these words and scenes can change your emotions. It was hard to continue reading on, times when I felt there's this block of emotions gelled up in my oesophagus (yes that particular position of the throat) and you had to swallow it back in order to get back to reality and continue on. Thing is, this block just sinks deeper and deeper, it never gets out.
Time to time, a second and third block is formed in the pipeline. Its just a matter of time it reaches the far opening of the throat; time to expel all these "back-of-the-minds."
I cant live without writing and books. Good movies too, allows the characters to live inside me. Some for a few days and some forever. I love how you get entwined with the plot & it kinda makes you alive reliving their fates. For one, Harry.P lives forever inside me and I'd like to thank Mdm Joanne. Rowling for the series, which must have been significant in many readers' lives. Almost all of the characters are alive inside me, I think I can remember briefly what happened in every book. Now its actually unfeeling to read them again; as I might have done so at least 10times for each one. My favorite is Half-Blood Prince by the way, what's yours?
I cant imagine how people can come to not learn of this wonderful series... much last understand them.
It ached everytime Dumbledore died, and because I read it so many a times, he died so many times. And I'd never forget my friend actually told me he is going to die in this book before I actually lay my hands on it. Damn it.
ANYWAY.
I am having a headache now so I better end this quick.
Im feeling resentful cause I used to be disciplined.
I used to do assessment books myself in primary school, mark them without looking at the answer sheets myself, and actually did 1 year ahead.
Now...... what happened exactly in this lapse of years?
Also I got this shock recently when I learnt that no one did assessments one year earlier e.g. when you're in primary 4 you do primary 5 stuffs.
ZZZZZZZZ. I am really shocked.
I thought everyone does that. It's natural right?
So in the end, its just me and the stupid smarty kids in popular bookstore.
I ended up being very bored in primary 6 cause I've finished everything.. and I swear I must have did half the brands available in the store for English. Yes I am that bored. I remember this scene I was doing the joining sentences thing in primary 6. I was in my air-con room (yes i had) and I keep doing and finishing every thing in days cause I wanted to practise cursive handwriting. Teeheehee. Yes I am that free.
But I also did hung out at the playgrounds everyday :) I just knew how to balance and play and study hard.
Now.......... what happened?
Secondary was still alright.
I still cant help emphasizing how damn much I miss the days.
Now.... I dont know what exactly put me off course.
But I cant go back anymore.
I cant undo them, but anyway I'm not doing too bad. Even if I did something more in poly, people in poly are those you dont keep in touch often. Those involved in extra activities I mean, judging from the friends around me... they dont seem to bond as much dont they? zzzz then im glad :)
I just cant sleep.
FUCK.

Indispensable

2009-03-01T19:26:00.002+08:00

We should all be reminded at time to time...
that
"No one is indispensable."

Lousy

2008-11-19T04:13:00.003+08:00

Wtf.
Why is the whole world getting all upset about relationships?
I dont get it.
No one ever learns. Anything.
And there's nothing that lasts forever.
If you think you wont get over it, you definitely wont.
You'd spend a lifelong time waddling in the cold waters and feel sorry for yourself.
Do you want this?
Would your parents want to see you become like this just because of A GUY?
OH PLEASE!
Do you want to see yourself like this?
Weak?
God there's so much in this world. SO MUCH.
Its sad the world still goes on and no one feels your pain.
The reason is your pain is little, compared to the outside world.
GET OVER HE'S DONE WITH YOU ALR MY FRIEND.
You're just a girl he feels that he let down.
But you'd give anything to have him back.

ARGGGGGGGGGGG.
ITS TIME DUDE.
ITS MUCH EASIER THAN YOU THINK TO OVERCOME.
THE WAY IS JUST AHEAD, TAKE IT CAUSE YOU GOT NO OTHER ROUTES.

Nothing's ever fucking alright.
Dont tell me it will be okay because it's not gonna be.
I feel so damn fucked up.
Mthfcker.........................*@^!@!(@%!&*#%!@

Depression

2008-10-25T05:03:00.002+08:00

For the past 4 hours, I've been trying to sleep.
I think that im starting to go back into those days.
My head pained, and i got hungry, and i read archie to make me sleep.
Now my right eye's kinda swelling and itchy; it must be allergy again.
Prolly something i ate again.
I just had the chocolate brownie cre and karin delivered.

There's an urge to blog.
2 nights ago, there were so many things i want to talk about.
I spent the night sobbing and heaving; words going through my mind on what I'd write here.
Let me see if I can recall them now.

Recently, I've become more and more depressed and sucidal.
Especially after the talk with aza that we'll both end our lives together.
Well dont worry first, cause I wont do it now, because the father is still here.
Im saying that i wont be able to lead a life when the day he leaves me arrives.
That, im quite sure, i wouldn't be able to live already.
Not with the siblings; or the grandmother if she's still around.
I'm happy to say that I'd be really facing up to reality when i have the courage to let myself go.
The reality would be that I cannot take all these no more.
So I'd be looking at it straight when i die.
Make sense right?
And anyway I won't take you with me, aza.
But I promise to bade goodbye :)

"It is impossible to sing a tune after one's experience death."
I saw this quite a long time back, and recently it suddenly came back to my senses.
Why am I sad? Why cant I feel anything?
Why am I ALWAYS sad?
The answer is inexplicable; for I dont know how to form the words.
Precisely for the above statement.
So stop asking me what's wrong, because everything is wrong.
From that day.

So why am I sad?
I'm sad cause you'd be the one waking up on sunday mornings with the father to go to the market, and not me.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one waiting for him to come home, and not me.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one watching him sleep and tuck him in, and not me.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one doing the groceries asked by the maid and the grandmother, and not me.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one fixing appointments with the hospital, and not me.

I'm sad cause you'd be the one settling the utility bills, and not me.

........................................
I'm sad cause you'd be the one telling me how to deal with all these, and not nobody.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one taking care of your mother, and not nobody.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one telling me secrets and jokes no one ever knows, and not nobody.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one sitting by the father, encouraging him, and not nobody.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one picking fish bones for me, and not nobody.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one giving me the passe symbol to adulthood, and not a friend.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one bustling in the kitchen, and not some stranger.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one using the vacuum cleaner on sunday mornings, and not having it left dusty in the store.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one asking me to study and priortise, and not nobody.
I'm sad cause you'd be the one waking me up, and then getting frustrated that you rather go back to sleep when i refuse to wake up, and not nobody.
And most of these all,
I'm sad cause you'd be the one sleeping on your side on the bed, and not nobody.
Im also sad cause the place you used to lie on is now replaced by random pillows.
......................................
I'm sad cause nobody really really remembers my birthday.
I'm sad cause you're not here.
I'm sad cause you're the world's funniest mommy, and I can't say the words "my mommy" out loud now without a stab at my heart.
When I told the father it was your birthday.
And he didn't know.
I remember lying on your side of the bed, with the father on the other side.
And I had to say in a funny way that it was someone's birthday soon.
Because I don't know which way I should say it; for all I wanted to do is cry out loud.
I'm also sad cause i know you still look out for me.
I know that, cause you came to me most recently, after sometime from our last interaction.
You told me it was alright, and that he is fine, you seem to know and always come to me at the times.
You came again not long after, at that same bright lights and warmthness, with your brillant smile, but I always remember these when I wake up, not knowing how to feel cause I always remember wanting to hug you and whenever I say "please dont go, do you know how much I miss you?" you always refuse to respond.
And then, i would know its time to say goodbye.
And I wake up.
And I die.
Every time.
I want to write this down so I'd remember.
You showed your anger when me and the sister shouted at each other. And it has never happened, and it was a still night.
You stood outside the house, collecting laundry in your usual outfit, telling me to remember to close the windows. I tried to reach out for you.
"Dont go" I said.
The pain in your eyes made me die cause you didnt want to, there was nothing you can do and that you couldn't be here closing the windows for us no more.
You brought me shopping, we held hands.
You ate with steamboat with us, and i remember your happy smile.
Yeah I think you wanted a united family but sorry we are not.
I knowwwwww you're here, and im so fucking sad cause I cant see you in the house.
I tried to picture your presence here, in the living room, in the corners, but its hard.
Im sad cause time is ticking and one day, i'd forget your face.
Your smell, your little and messy hair due to being a housewife, your small feet, your big breasts, your sleeveless faded tops, your torn shorts you used to wear, your small hands, your voice...
There's so much I want you to know.

I miss you everyday.
--------------------------------------------------
Up til now, there's still people calling to the house asking for you.
The grandmother always says there's no such a person in the house.
I always want to punch her and throw her off that wheelchair.
Even though there was once I told her it was "my mommy" and its hard to say out and even after that, i didn't think she got my message.
Sometimes i really want to strangle her.
About a month ago, while getting ready for school, call for you came again.
The grandmother answered and started her rantings about who is this person, she doesnt know anyone of this name etc etc.
I had to answer and the bastard refused to reveal where she was calling from.
She wanted you specifically to answer.
When i said you wasn't around anymore, she said bye and the bastard hung up on me.
Next time, im going to say "she's fucking dead and what do you want?"

I'm depressed.
I'm easily agitated.
I'm sucidal.
I've no motivation to carry on with the things I'm supposed to do.
I think I'm really going through depression.
I'm going to be like this.
For sometime. awhile. I dont know.

The pain is unthinkable, unspeakable, unbelievable of a loss of a parent.
I cannot fathom what's gonna happen if I lose another one.
I really cant, and I cant imagine my life with the sibling.
I still cant believe SHE e.g. her presence, her face, her funnyness is gone.
FUCK
-------------------------------------------------------------------
It's 6am now. There's still some stuffs to round up this post.
I want to thank the friends in my life.

To june: we've gone through alot to come to this day.
I want to apologise for that phase of shit in early secondary days.
You're always there and here and everywhere I need you.
From the days when I turn up in school crying every single day.
Comforting me with the lousy relationship problems.
You fed me grassjelly when I starve myself.
You and e gang tried to make me eat chocolates and lied that they were from zhijia, and you snuck them into my bag on the cab.
You remember I hate watermelon except for milk added.
You buy me that 'be strong' beanie when my relationship failed.
You never fail to lend me a help when I go into financial problems (you really think you're very rich?)
You wrote 'bless her' on your msn nick when she left me.
You were sorry you wasn't here for me at that worsest time of my life, but trust me, you're here.
You gave me the warmest hug that day, at the lift lobby.
You always listen, even though I talk about rubbish.
You came to my house late at nights and we go out to play.
You comforted me when I overspend on cosmetics, you always know how to make me feel better. Even though I deserve to be scolded.
You're the best baby I can ever have.
Thanks bee.. I'm glad to say you're one of the most important friends in my life.
I'm not sure if you've noticed but there's this bond with us; we know what the other party is referring to even though we do not spell it out.
I think you're the few who really knows me and i KNOW (really know) you'd be here whenever.
Seriously, cause you love me too much.
I'm really happy its you i have this bondedness in my life.
I love you, junity.

To yanbing:
Though you're busy like for the next 10years, I always regard you as one of whom I can depend on.
You always give me sound advice, and encouragements.
You gave me time, even though you're BUSY. (the same cannot be said for some.)
You care for my life, bring a whole load of fun and laughters to me.
Seriously, you're so funny and loving.
You never put me down as well, just like beebee.
We went through many funny situations together, that I cannot name any of it.
You're one of the people I look up to, cause you're always rational and sensible (most of the time).
Therefore, I love you.

To yuemei:
Though we seem to have disapprovements of each other, the fact that you stuck with me for a long time never disappears.
You were there every single time I cried.
You always try to make me stop crying.
You are the one I tell everything to, the darkest secrets in the household.
You stuck with me when she left, every single day.
You cared so much that you didn't dare to talk to me.
You cried with me, laughed with me, shed tears with me. Especially on that morning she officially left.
You shared your ugliest secrets with me, yeah I wont tell la.
You put down some of your pride for me.
You call me in the early mornings for random outings.
You always want to wake me up though you surely know i am not awake.
You love to gossip for baodians with me.
You made that diy maryjane shoe for me on my 16th birthday.
You still care about me, after all that's happened, and cant bear to see me sad. (I know you're there.)
Though we dont meet up that often now, there's still a touch of familiarity.
You're my family friend, you're the one closest to my family.
I'm glad you knew my mommy seriously. I'm glad you're a part of our lives in the house.
LooLoo thanks.

To aza:
You're so understanding for my tantrums and attitudes.
You never fail to make me laugh. (PLEASE!)
You make me realise about 'friendships' that really matter.
You always understand me. (well most of the time)
You cried so badly at the wake it shocked me after that.
Your life changed with me as she left, I never knew yours would.
You were scared when I went to your house for soup.
You remembered my mommy's birthday.
You promised you'd take the initiative should something happen to US.
You plan things and dream impossiblities with me.
You tell me your secrets and stuffs.
You always welcome me to your house. I'm like a usual guest, thanks.
You let me sleep on your bed, and samuel's mattress (heeehee).
You go girly shopping with me, dye my hair for me.
You share clothes with me (and if you keep remaining like this I guess you cant wear my nice clothes).
You dont judge me, never, I thank you for that.
You text me almost every single day. (and im deleting messages from others to keep yours.)
And most importantly, you go into depression with me:)
I want you to know, there's things more important than that 'main factor'.
I said a thousand times but again, my stand remain that it is about that main factor.
I love you too much to take you with me, you've your strength that is your mama!
And please stay on to nurture samuel. He needs you many.

To sy:
I didn't reply your message cause my prepaid is out of credits, but i'd do it tmr as aza told me to send to your singapore no.
I love you just like the rest too, I just got your card today.
It's on my glass panel now, together with the photo and the memo notes the last time.
I wanna thank you for being here too, the concern you bring to me.
I'm really aware of it.
Though sometimes you seem scared of me (boohoo dont :( im just a friendly tiger), you still love me for who I am.
You helped me with decorations and ideas for the boyfriend's birthday.
You are always generous with things.
You did that board thing after she left, its on my right right now.
You want me to know you care, and yes I know.
You encourage me and assure me when i'm down to the max.
You don't scold me when i owe you money.
You laugh at aza with me (hahahahahahahah).
You always say that your things belongs to me as well.
You share secrets with me though you shouldn't have. (about ah-hem cutie)
You bring damn much laughter to my life, and warmth, seriously.
You share woes of university life with me.
I love the meetings with you, how we disturb your family, and the old days in poly.
You had a hard time comforting me and holding aza's hand at the wake.
I'm really really glad you met my mommy though once and you probably dont quite have an impression. But I'm glad you were the only one among them to have seen her. And tried her cooking. We had ginseng chicken soup (oh god its been such a looong time since I had that.)
You worry about me and cant sleep. (I know, cause I see it on your face.)
I want to assure you that I love you.
And stop assuming I have something against you or is always upset about the things you do, I want you to be happy.
I don't disapprove of you.
That's it smallie, waiting for you to cook for me.
You smallies are busy with so many essays, I'm so looking forward to 24november.
Only one month.

Lastly, this is for you am:
Though you are not one to explictly express everything, you tell me things you won't tell others.
I know its hard for you at home and what not too, so I'd be here too.
There's something important I need you to know.
I know you care, you and sy and aza and yx all care:)
I know I know.
You bought sliced fish for the family at the wake.
You came early to see me.
You take 75 back with me at esplanades.
You always reply my mails with alot of content accordingly to my woes.
You went to kbox with me on my 18th or 19th birthday.
You let me wore your small zara jacket on that day to protect me.
You share nice english songs with me.
You're listed as "perfect girl" in my phonebook.
You're always cheerful and easy going.
You have sent me 2 birthday cards and 1 memo note since you've went to canberra.
You share makeup with me, online shopping, and many.
You want to go swimming with me though you cant swim.
You always understand the lousy family problems.
You have a funny mom and grandmother.
You understand my jokes and lameness.
Hang in there dear, it wont be long for the warmthness back here.
Me and aza will definitely be there on 24th, we're very free.
And we just want to see you guys, dont bother about us when your family is there.
We've made plans to go already, and we keep talking about activities.
Want you to know you two are still a part of our conversations.
Cant wait to tell you something very hilarious about her.
Really really.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It took me one hour to write tributes to the friends.
Ending off with an excerpt from Last Kiss by Pearl Jam

Where, oh where, can my baby be?
the lord took her away from Me
shes gone to heaven, so Ive got to be good
so I can see my baby when i Leave this world

We were out on a date in my daddys car.
we hadnt driven very far. there in the road, straight ahead.
a car was stalled, the engine was dead.
I couldnt stop, so I swerved to the right.
Ill never forget the sound that night.
the screamin tires, the bustin glass.
the painful scream that I heard last

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
the lord took her away from me.
shes gone To heaven, so Ive got to be good.
so I can see my baby when I leave this world.

When I woke up the rain was pourin down.
there were people standin all around.
Something warm flowing through my eyes.
but somehow I found my baby that night.
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said.
hold me darling, just a little while.
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss.
I found the love that i knew I had missed.
Well now shes gone.
even though I hold her tight.
I lost my love, my life,
That night.

SCREW UP BIG TIME

2008-10-19T23:31:00.002+08:00

"but i dunno why, this is the azaleas now."

I too do not know why we all turn out this way.
I'm so depressed reading aza's blog.
What happened to all the laughters?
Youth is not fun if it is all about these shit.
It's making me damn damn damn damn ass sad about it.

We can never ever go back to those days.
Hence we stay stuck at this black abyss.
If you say you'd pull me out, how?
And give me a reason to be out.
I do not want to face the bright lights and there IS NO BRIGHT LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
Even if there is, there'd be a cliff and we all fall down to hit the rocky waters.

In the old poly days, we wished we'd die on thursday and come back on friday.
Now i wish that i die right now to never come back.
Yeah i know i said i want to come back, to conqueor all these stand strong cause i cant leave all of them here. BUT I CANNOT DO IT RIGHT NOW.
We all know the seriousness of the situation but there's nothing to do.
Is this life?

Nothing i can say to express how damn much i miss you.
If you wasn't here, I prolly wouldnt keep wanting you so much.
But darling, I want you to be here. Keep coming back to my dreams and let me know you're here alright?
I love waking up to remember you being here, doing things with me you cant do in real life, letting me know its alright.
But it hurts too cause its not in real life, you know how much that hurts.
I thank you for giving me life's greatest things and teaching me to become who I am.

Ma de. I think that everyone in this family is depressed.
And wtf are we doing here? What's the point of bracing ourselves. when we really dont want to.
All we want to do is break down and cryyy.

Its been raining since you left me
Now Im drowning in the flood
You see Ive always been a fighter
But without you I give up

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye

//DAMN IT

Sick

2008-10-14T01:37:00.003+08:00

I hate being sick.
When im sick, no one really cares or understand.
Even the people "closest" to you, desert you.
Yeah its true.

So a friend says she has already accepted the fact that no one will give a DAMN about you.
No one, you're on your own.
All of you outside will be on your own.
Okay?
Accept it.

I HATE IT.
Motherfuckkkerrrr.

He says am i really having a fever?
She says she has projects to do, tells me to find other people.
They laughed when i said the body aches are so bad i need a trolley.
SCREW ALL OF YOU.

/Happy birthday to myself and mommy.
/Wish you were here, sincerely.

Busy people, busy shit

2007-10-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

It makes me so frustrated when there are busy people in the world.
Yeah, busy, but how busy can one get?
I'm sure you will still get to reach home and prolly settle down and get away a minute from your busy life.
Ahhhh, im digressing but i don't know what to say.

Came at this crazy realization that almost half of my friends turned out to be like that.
The reason I cant accept this is I, me, myself and I will still coordinate some social life on my own initiative! In midst of busy times, YES.
Tsk, very disappointing.
Yeah just keep on having your funny busy life with your fun friends.

I'd like to thank this friend for being lovely to me:
"By e way, just want to thank you for taking initiative and im happy you took time out for me that day we went timbre. Loves"
I LOVE YOUUUUUU.

See? This friend is BUSY too and had a whole day dedicated to school work and before we met up, had to attend a school talk and was in office clothes!

YOU BITCHES JUST WATCH IT.
Hahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha.

/pffffffff!&@^!@%!(@!

20 20 20 20

2007-10-15T02:06:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to talk about.
But I'm actually 20.
More years to come!

Quizbox

2007-09-23T23:41:00.000+08:00

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

I am so damn bored!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My fall, friends

2007-09-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

]klI've come to realise the vulnerability of friends.
On my journey back home someday, I thought of those I've not been keeping in touch with, and how weird it seems to be thinking of them.
Kenneth, esther, joy all these.
Whatever happened to the wonderful times we spent?
I really enjoyed the company of kenneth, times we hung out and our conversations.
When we were so close.
Had a recent phone chat with esther & it seemed impossible to communicate well.
Don't you feel the irritable emotions when they said they have learnt their lessons not to leave their friends?
Only to find them going away once more the minute they get a new girlfriend.
Don't you feel so angry when they always seem to be SO busy to catch up but seem to have time for shit?
Irritating please.

All these contributes to the crazy times i'm having now.
I hardly go out of home and I feel so sick staying indoors.
Been sleeping at a later time day by day, and my reflections keep me awake most of the time.
There's this incident recently.
One of my friends, X nearly got caught by the law for patronising contrabands cigarrettes.
He was given 1hr to raise a sum of penalty, or be detained.
It was already wee hours and when I got the call I went into a search for money immediately.
Thinking back, I feel so surreal that it's actually hard to borrow a loan from anyone.
I mean, I didn't have the money and I tried to borrow around from my own friends on his behalf.
Those hesitations, doubts, and so many questions shot at me at this incredible tale.
That I don't know how to answer them cause I don't know what exactly happened at all.
And I can't help but feel disappointed with the whole concept of friends.
Anyway, the matter was eventually settled with many calls and money was gotten.
Personally, I won't consider what really happen because I trust him, but my friends raised the doubts that makes me feel so bewildered.
Questions on whether he'll return the money, why was he caught etc.
Yeah I understand that its better to know the situation if you were to give him the loan but shouldn't we trust?
Anyway it wasn't a huge sum of money. Duh.
Some even suspected whether he'd return the loan, and why he doesnt pay up himself. ZZZZZZ I've already said I'd pay on behalf on him once I get my salary!
Not much help at all please.

I believe that friends who treat you as family would help, seeing that most people doesn't.
Friends are just friends, remember? And money would always be a barrier, I tell you. WILL BE.
But one should really see up to his promises and return the loan as promised.
As I've seen another friend's nick who lent him promptly on that night, saying "Broke foundation." "Pay up."
HAHHAHHAHAHA I nearly laughed to tears.
I hope that X has already returned him the money otherwise he'd have kinda cheated me for advance lending.

It's kinda been a breeze generally this year, it's september already.
Pushing aside my financial issues.
Feels like the year has just started though.
School just barely started, but it seems to be so mundane.
I attend 3 hrs of lecture, & most of them aint very constructive.
Coming week there's a full stretch of official lectures, 3 days in a week finally!
There's something for me to do, though I aint that motivated, yes im that bored.
What the hell am I doing?

Today I took a fall in dad's room cause the floor was too slippery.
I hurt my knee, wrist and back.
Dad immediately jumped up from his sleep which was so damn funny.
"What happened?!!!! You gave me a great shock."
(Me laughing like mad at the pain and how awkward my legs were bent)
"What are you doing here?!?!"
"(in a meek voice) Looking at you sleep."
After a slight moment of rubbing my wrist & complaining of how the floor is always slippery, he began to talk in a loud whisper.
"Please tell the maid not to use so much detergent while mopping."
Because my floor's always so slippery and if you don't walk with grip you'd just slip and slip.

I'm getting more irritated with the pain on my wrist.
And timmy refuses to attend to me cause I laughed at her earlier on today when she nearly slipped.
Pfff. IRRITATING.

Woohoo! Finally a whole day out tomorrow. Lovely
Hope lecture's good.
Check out www.weffriddles.com if you're feeling challenged!

Daniel

2007-09-13T00:34:00.000+08:00

Recently, life's been taking a slow pace.
I'm not complaining, but this should be good.
Naturally I didn't really feel like blogging about anything.
But there's this thing that's been on my mind for sometime.

I've been reading this blog eversince I bumped into it to check it out two years ago.
And while life's been slack for me, something very unfortunate happened to one of the guys over there.
It makes me feel very much because it's something very hurting, judging from the way you're writing.
Cant say I know how you feel as I don't, but I believe I've been through similiar stuffs.
I certainly can't extend my way over to you whose many miles away, but I extend my existence to you for any help you should need in these times.
When I heard that you had even contemplated suicide to deal with it, I was shocked. Why my dear?
You, of all people, should know how precious life is, especially when you lost her rather than him.
You said all you want to do is protect your family, your precious brother.
But yet you did something you know would certainly hurt him.
Hey, don't give up, how would you feel if he did the same thing?
Unfairness always happens, so don't try to think why this happened cause this would prolly crack your head a million times & you prolly won't get any solution.
I'm writing this only at this time, seeing that you have become stronger with the recent events.
I hope my intentions isn't too late to help, but T was definitely right.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
You need good friends who're there to help, don't feel remorseful towards their help cause they want to help.
We can never, ever, deal with all these, alone.
Fear not, don't despair cause you found them already, didnt you?

It's gonna be very tough on you from now.
Harder times lie ahead waiting for you.
We're all allowed to break down anytime, because i always do, so I urge you not to hide your emotions.
Be strong, im sure many would have said this to you.
Relieve yourself from all the pain and anger, to more light at the end of the tunnel.
One day, you'd find the surreal state you crave.
You will!

Anyway, I hope you'd be able to read this. I thank the internet for soughting help. Just would like you to know you're included when im doing my reflections at night. Good to know your house is safe! 1 more person who truly cares added on the list. Many of us are all here.

2007-08-27T00:10:00.000+08:00

Taken weeks ago.
Gwen Stefani's The Sweet Escape Tour Concert!

Free!

Singapore Indoor Stadium, the size of the stage resembling a random pavement on the sidewalks.

From where I'm sitting

Mysterious couple who disappeared once the concert commenced

Why does my eyes look so puffy?

Leaving the carpark, there's a sneak at that character perched on her seat belt

Quiz

2007-08-21T02:28:00.000+08:00

1. First off, what's your name?
~Wong Weijing

2. Okay, but what does your bestfriend/s call you?
~Waikim, kimmy, komz,, kim

3. Have you ever kissed someone withbraces?
~nah

4. Who is the fourth received call onyour call list?
~I have no idea where my phone is

5.How many boy/girlfriend(s) you had?
~3?

6. What is the wallpaper on your phone?
~Alien

7. How many pillows on your bed?
~One okay.

8. Who was the last text message yousent to?
~Do you want me to check? Okay its chengcheng i think

9.What color is your shirt right now?
~Green tee with a monkey print.

10. What was the best thing that happened to you last year?
~Last year?

11. What did you ate this morning?
~Bread with margarine and sugar.

12. Who's the last person who make youcry?
~myself

13. Do you cook?
~:)

14. What schools have you attendedsince young?
~ah, you'd know if you know me.

15. Do you miss someone now?
~Very much.

16. Who was the last person that madeyou laugh?
~My dad perhaps?

17. Wad is your Hobbies?
~are you mean. Fun stuffs.

18. Who do you make fun of the most atschool?
~I don't

19. What's the longest time you've evertalked on the phone?
~Forgot, don't fancy it now.

20. Do you think you've gottenmore handsome/pretty since gradeschool?
~People change, times change.

21. Have you seen your bestfriend cry?
~YES

23. Do you dance in the car?
~Yeah, some sort of madeup ugly dance in yb's car

24. What do you think of fishing?
~smelly, don't fancy it.

25. Do you and your best friend actalike?
~Depends isnt it

26. You love...?
~everyone I love.

27. Does your mom vacuum early in themorning, when you're sleeping?
~Yes, used to. And I'd shout real loud. HAHHAHAHAHAH

28. Are your parents loving?
~I wouldn't know right. But I suppose.

29: What is ur target in life?
~Love my family, work hard. Enjoy.

30: Which countries have you been to?
~Malaysia,Hong kong,Thailand,Taipei

31. Would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them over?
~Sleep over, my places' too small

32. When was the last time you wrote anote, and to who?
~Today at the office when I knocked off, to Minghui.

33. Where are you now?
~In my bedroom

34. Do you have any siblings?
~2 elder sisters

35. Is your r/s with them gd?
~Thanks

36. Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
~Not at all

37. Who was the last person you heldhands with?
~Don't know, timmy?

38. What shoes did you wear today?
~White slip ons

39. What will make you lose yourappetite?
~When I fall sick probably.

40. What colour is your laundry basket?
~Red

43. Do you have any Levis pants/jeans?
~Yeah

44. What do u like to eat?
~Sushi, steak,

45. You feel sorry to anyone in yourlife?
~Don't think so. I try my best to not have regrets.

46. How many room flat do you stay?
~Could you please phrase that properly.

47. Where did you get your last bruisefrom?
~I don't have any

48. How tall are you?
~161cm.

49. List three things/person that keepsyou going in life?
~Missing, strength, life

50. Where do you wish to go for Holiday?
~Japan/Gold Coast

The things I wish, remembered, and hate.

2007-07-26T02:04:00.000+08:00

I wish you could hold me, tell me everything's fine.
I wish I could say good-bye.
I wish that I drunk the barley you made for me, really I would, if I knew when tomorrow come, you left the house early, and never came back.
And the house never remained one, as you see, it could never be the same again.
I wish you had taught me how to brew them, so I could share with the rest of us.

I remembered you massaging my shoulders two nights before, and how I slept on your bed with you.
How we played, and how your legs tangled up with mine, and most of all, I miss your smell.
Thinking of it now, it seemed like such a long time ago.
That table, I shifted it, did you know?
A long time ago, I was typing my presentation on this very notebook, and you were behind me, massaging my shoulders.

I remembered how I was having an econs exam when it happened.
I never knew then, my text was sent to a ruined mobile phone, and it layed as original as it was
"Hi mom, do I have to get the newspapers again tonight?"

I hate how strangers appear in the house, walking around as if your presence never existed.
How lives go on as per normal, like you never were there.
I hate how we walk around, stomping around the house, where you once reigned.
These figures, talk and speak, eat and sleep in the same way like it used to be, as if you never was there.
How it has to go on, I hate it every single day of my life.

"Take me away with you, please."
"If you have to leave, can you please take me?"
I begged at your feet.
You never spoke, leaving me on the cold white floor, after a slow deliberate shake of the head.
I remember the pain in your eyes, I know how you couldn't bear to leave, but had to.
The pain inside showed your longing to stay, how difficult you were trying to fight back those tears, how much you wanted to break down and crumple, but you couldn't, not in front of me.
And right then, I knew.
I knew how much more you pained, so much more than any of us.
How much.

I remember how you came to comfort me that day, when the lights went out, when it was cold in my dreams.
I remember clearly your warm body, and I snuggled next to you, and how everything didn't matter, how icy and cold the surroundings were, all I had was you.
With the longing warmth, I fell asleep to a peaceful night.

If I had one last chance in this world, I'd give anything for you to come back to me.
Perhaps for a fraction of a second, I'd be contented.
This time, tell me you're doing good, getting on fine.
I wish I could know.
Exactly.
How are you?
I want to know badly, because we cant do without you.

It really seems like a long time ago - seeing you in front of me, feeling your touch, talking to you, playing with you.
They seem to be blocked by many several new things, and buried back in those years you were here.
Neverthelessly, they were real, yet short.
So unbelievable, like it never existed.

I learnt to be appreciative of things and people.
I thank you for you being there, just being here, in the early years of my life.
For some reason, you had to go. And I thank God for giving me you.
I remember I once had you, in my life.

Hi mom, I miss you.

Reading HP & the deathly hallows

2007-07-24T01:27:00.000+08:00

"Soulmate" by Natasha Beddingfield

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

dam emotional now, i got teary while reading HP.
i feel his emotions, and exactly how he feels.
why did everyone had to leave?
actually he has no one, other than ron and hermoine.
but like i said, they're just friends.
dam angry why dumbledore die!
every tiniest flutter of hope extinguishes with a click of the hand, and every person HP loved and ever attached himself to, leaves him all alone.
sucks.
ok will finish this book tonight, kinda scared to continue.
it's getting tougher to read on, pain elevating by the minute. (no irony)
SIGH.
but we all gotta face the awful truth.
long live HP! im with you.

Harry Potter and the deathly hallows

2007-07-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

The long awaited day is here.
The final Harry Potter book!
This calls for a real celebration.
It was damn funny, I was getting home from school yesterday.
And there was this girl on the lowermost steps of an overhead bridge, reading the final one.
I thought to myself wow its really getting to everyone isn't it?
Felt like snatching away from her.
And this boy beside me on the bus was holding HP the 1st.
HAHAHAHHA worldwide frenzy.

I wenta lot1 and headed to Popular's, couldn't resist the urge to take a look at the book and the crowd.
Hm, I'd prolly go to get it at 7.01am if I own a car, and a driver.
I supposed we'll have to wait until sis gets home, because she'd have pre-ordered it.
ANYWAY, I went home to see a very serious timmy sitting on the bed and reading it.
Shocked beyond words.
The plastic bag from the store was just beside, and I shouted at her "WHY YOU GO AND BUY WITHOUT TELLING ME!"
And I went on and on about Singpost giving free delivery (or 10% from pre-order in stores) and we could have got it very early in the morning etc etc.
Then I sat and carefully held the cover sheet in my hands.
Please do not think I'm crazy, you just don't read Rowling's.
And I went into a frenzy of what's gonna happen.
And freaking resisted the urge to peep at any of the sentences she was reading.
But, damn. It's really an undelightful feeling to endure when someone tells you anything regarding the plot.

And both of us was marvelling to my dad about this book and how everyone's gonna be waiting for 7.01am.
He just cannot believe the price.

Timmy had to say to me at times:
"Oh, this book is very sad you know." with an extremely sad expression, casually flipping til the end.
"SHUDDUP you, keep reading." as I ate my snacks with pain, looking away in disgust.

"Can you imagine? One person has already died at the beginning." as she went into 1/7 of the book.
"SHUT UP!"
I strangled and threatened her.

"It was not I who killed Albus." Said she with an intuitive look, following on with
"Who is Albus?" as if to taunt me and enjoying the feeling at that very moment.

I'm typing a relic of yesterday cause I fell asleep early, at approximately 9.
Half of me was tired, and the other half wanted to wake up to a brand new day for my turn to read.
Today was certainly fruitful.
Went market in the morning, came home and started doing some maths.
Yes, I did that.
Only because I wanted to allocate my precious reading time dedicated to HP as a fruitful thereafter of revision.
I'm at page 129 now.
Could hardly breathe when I started first page, and worrying of missing any word it contained.
I wanted to savour every piece of information, assuming what's to be assumed, slowly slowly.

What could be better than reading a HP during cold days?
Gonna spend the night reading.
Tomorrow I'd wake up to a mind with fresh plot.
Everyone's gonna finish it though.
Awesome, awesome.

Fun fact from FM: If you stacked up all the orders(FROM UK ONLY) of HP and the deathly hallows, one by one up, the height turns up to 11 times of Mount everest.
Coolest shit.

Byebye! Harry Potter-ing.

Gwen Stefani's LIVE concert WON!

2007-07-20T02:07:00.000+08:00

When you want something very much, you have to put in effort and sacrifice time.
I won Gwen Stefani's tickets today.

Still considering the odds of going, I just wanted to win.
I'd prolly go because zhuzhu said "What?! OH MY GOD I can't believe it. Go! It's Gwen. "
HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

It's on 14Aug, and I have a Maths exam on that day.
Bummer.

ph coming back next wed.
good

Gwen Stefani's

2007-07-19T00:58:00.000+08:00

I must admit one's proficiency of language gets obsolete when put to lesser use.
My English is getting bad.
Maybe I should write more.

Right now I'm trying to win Gwen Stefani's Sweet Escape Tour Concert tickets on 987fm.
Actually I'm not that keen to go, but I always get close to winning, but some guys ALWAYS beat me to it.
I love challenges, it's fun to compete with so many people and you gotta be the first to get it right.
I LOVE THE KICK.

Yeah so today's hint about the answer was a word starting with a g, and explains her truthfulness.
I couldn't come out with an answer, my mind was racing like a thesauras forming words with 'g'.
I suppose I'm bad with g words.
Do you know the answer?
HAHAHHAHAHA.
It's so easy it nearly made me puke when the answer was out.
One really gets affected by anxiety then.

Okay, work's down tomorrow so I'm able to stay up tonight.
Just had instant noodles.
Very happy.
Remembering last night, I didn't really sleep alot though I was late for work still.
Booze really makes my throat dry like sandpaper the night throughout.
And I woke at 5am, thinking I could go do something and get ready for the day.
HAHAHA yes this is me typing.
It was costly, mental note not to do this too regularly.
Transport please! No motorcycles.

I should really blog more often, because I know you're reading.
HAHAHA damn cool really, it does pays to know whose reading.
How nice if my thoughts could be transferred automatically to this host, it's tiring to think of what to write about.
Cause I always do reflections before going to head (I mean bed HAHA), just not with the keyboard on.

Been wanting to get ds lite, white of course.
Can't wait.
Figured its time to reward myself, despite of these times.
Contributing anyone?
You could chip in for the console.
OR SHOULD I GET WII?
Dilemma.

Love or Money?

2007-07-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

Hi guys.
A question to kick off the wonderful weekend.
Love or money?

A very lovely conversation is taking place right now with my future business partner.
Im choosing money but you-know-who chose love.
Life is full of shit, and sometimes surprises, very little times though.
Everyone says life is fair, but we would only know at the end of it.
And you never know when's the end of your life, so everyone stays in this depressing period of self-lamenting and blaming the world and forget about the beautiful things in life.
And just die.
End of story.

We start with nothing; therefore have nothing to lose.

Anyhow, I'd definitely choose money to come in my life now.
AS YOU KNOW the circumstances, I wouldn't talk about it here because it's really my private life, a joke.
Money makes you trouble-free, and turns somehow to happiness.
Friends and family are enough to keep the love going, and most importantly, the love never ends.
Why hanker after something or someone who doesnt hanker over you already?
You end up wasting time and youth, both which imo, is money.
Think.

Many times people go through depression or goes though a rough patch.
Its hard I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW (I really do), but do think of people around you who are going through harder tougher times.
Don't bother looking too far away, because they may just be your friends or family.
Yeah I mean parents in most cases.
SIGH.
Hate people who doesnt have to bother about school stuffs, household bills, all the jokes,shits, and aiya just money.
Happy optimistic people.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFf.

Golden decade we're going through.
Time to make money people.
EARN.

/Hey bee, thank you for loving me.

friday again!

2007-07-07T00:51:00.000+08:00

FRIDAY AGAIN.
Another week conquered, lessons getting harder; work's manageable.

Shall spend my saturday on revision and sleep.
Gonna have fun on sunday.

FRUITFUL WEEKEND.

Happy birthday june

2007-07-02T00:02:00.000+08:00

It's 12 midnight!
Happy birthday to the baby.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.

3 minutes into a new age!
*throw party

TGIF

2007-06-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

WAHAHHA.
TGIF, I was whooping for joy in the office.
Two beautiful days to rest.

I understand what it's like for working people to crave for weekends.
Allelujah!

/you have no idea how glad i am!
throw party tonight.

Quote of the day

2007-06-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

JASomething to share:

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar,
but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

:)

Bad joke.

2007-06-23T02:22:00.000+08:00

From my last post, my life has been a joke.
Well, I wouldn't have any idea where to start.
But I'm spending my past weeks in a bad state.

Imagine being waking up in the mornings by bank calls, with hardly enjoying any sleep the night before.
Waking up to check your mailbox for a reply you desperately need.
Imagine having to meet ridiculous deadlines, which each is deterred by another institution.
Imagine making empty trips to places, which turns out to seem like a real bad joke.
Even the simplest task is taking the role of a taunting leader, manipulating you like a ragdoll. Paper-made.
And you really want every of this to end, and return to a peaceful tune. Or was it?
Imagine your friends being not supportive enough, bothering about random scenarios and gets on your nerves because they have no idea of what its like. That doesn't help.
Oh strike that out, I always believed friends are just friends right?
(Hm, well im really not pinpointing anyone, definitely not you june. Because you're not my friend remember.)

JUST IMAGINE.
To agree with win, we are all part of this cosmic joke.
To agree that no one would know how to save you from it.
Damn.
On top of that, I am also cash-strapped. But what's new.

Classes have started, and I'm feeling very very tired.
Physically and mentally.
I'm actually surprised I could hold on until now, very.
Hahaha.

Whoever you are, God, stop this. Stop this joke.
Stop making me mental.

想着这些年过了一关又一关
也许我太逞强
但是我无时无刻都在想
你的臂弯
给我力量陪我闯荡
也许我们都不讲
把爱留在我的心上
超越了太多梦想
时光匆忙不曾遗忘
随时可以回头看那些时光
你在身旁给我的温暖

DAMN.
A few days ago, I was reading a book and this poor girl was giving birth in the operation room, surrounded by doctors and nurses she barely knew. She's 14 only.
It struck to me, that she couldn't be there with me.
Be there holding my hand, going through the pain.
Reassuring me, that everything will be just fine.
Just being beside makes a great difference.

And to me, the unspeakable pain in this world would be child-birth.
No word-of-mouths, expectations, books, lectures will be nearly as close to the real thing.
On top of this, I'd prolly have a dumb husband filming the whole process (but most men faint in the operation room anyway.)
and like I said, husband(s), friends; lovers; men will just be husband(s); friends; lovers; men.
Useless, really.
They wouldn't understand.

Let's stop praying; it doesnt work.
Just give me and lzx, strength.

To share, something from one of my favourite authors, James Patterson:

"..I arrive there a little past eight. A friend I knew, sat me down and told me that Maria was dead by the time they got her to the hospital. It had been a ride-by shooting outside the projects. No one knew why, or who could have done the shooting. We never got to say goodbye. There was no preparation, no warning at all, no explanation.

The pain inside was like a steel column that extended from the center of my chest all the way up into my forehead. I thought about Maria constantly, day and night. After three years, I was finally beginning to forget. I was learning how."

Junejune, faster get back from phuket.
Need you to treat me to drinks with your rich UOB card.
Haha :(

giddy

2007-06-09T14:39:00.000+08:00

Preceding my giddy spells and all, check out my chat windows.
It's early afternoon, finally I woke up 10am to check my emails.
Loans kinda settled, waiting for confirmation.

GIDDY.

Pact (10)

2007-06-09T02:50:00.000+08:00

Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know
I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on'
Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da daLa da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Hey you, this song goes to you.
Cheer up.
We always make it.

By the way, I had a real bad day.
Week.
I'm still having this headache.
Don't even ask.

Nauseos

2007-06-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

Glad to see that yanny's leading a normal life.
Waking up for breakfast!
That doesnt sound right for us.
I bet its that new girl around her.

Anyhow, toms heading back to ngeeann to get the graduation gowns for monday.

I'm feeling nauseous and all wrong now.
Been wanting to get back home to watch the simple life during work, but it cannot be played on my laptop.
Too pirated i guess.
How do I stop the puking?

Argh.
I can feel food still somewhere in my oesophagus.
I tried to eat a green apple serving as something sour, but there was some weird suspending subtance (HAHAHA not subtance la, string-like stuff) near the stalk.
A very long worm?
Fuck.

June's making me very jealous as she's watching l word now.
Bumming around's not fun at all.
I need cash.

Photos

2007-06-05T02:45:00.001+08:00

For compensation of vacant posts, I'd like to put up more photos.
Ugly ones too. Yes.
For the benefit of you know, kind souls who still take the effort to view this blog.

YANNY:
Today's the first day you're gone.
I already miss you.
I mean it, miss the desire to text you something funny.
Missed your presence today, miss you.
HOWS BANGKOK.
:(
Come back to me please.
I cant do it.
(I promise you that photo is well-share between me and june. But feel free to check out friendster anytime.)

HAHAHHAHAHAH.
Parts of the above is true, as people seem to know, I always say things I mean.

YANNY I MISS YOU (so desperate!)

because yanny has left, im stuck with june.
but she's so grumpy all the time.

and bao too.

june, what did you do again?
i said i hate you.

HAHA.

random, aza's room

this baby near my office

im dying to meet its owner

HAHA luckily she doesnt know about this blog

HongKong Cafe + Labyrinth

2007-06-05T02:15:00.000+08:00

Today I had some life with the gang.
Went for dinner at XinWang HK Cafe at Marina, then Labyrinth to meet lachelle. Of course, jac was there.
Miss her.
Gonna workout tomorrow since work's down again.
I figured I could go alone to the gym first, the hit the waters.
Cool eh?

Alright, today was fun.
Had drinnks and frolic at labyrinth.
I miss hanging out and everyone's totally comfortable.
Haven't had good fun since long.

miss her alot.

whatever happened to my hair?

dinner

whatever it is, stop it!

while in the lift during a lousy break.
note how my hand looked so manly; result of working. HAHA

hahaha karin looked weird

Boring

2007-06-03T23:32:00.000+08:00

Finally had a whole day to myself domestically.
Anyway, starting bridging course in about two weeks' time.
Life's been a breeze since graduation, only dough is the persisting problem.
I gotta work harder.
I can do it.
No time to dwell on irrelevant issues, you know.
But I wouldn't reject my social life.
SIGH

Spent the day with baby yesterday and went back to AcidBar.
Lovely.
Chanced upon Yukai in town, which kinda surprised me.
I miss travelling.

Yanny's gone to Bangkok for internship.
Heard her luggage was still stuck in Singapore while she reached.
Good luck pretty.
I'd love to visit you sometime.

As you see, I really don't have anything much to blog about.
Bah.

Yb's farewell

2007-06-02T00:55:00.000+08:00

Acid Bar
Rouge

Face Down

2007-05-31T02:08:00.000+08:00

Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Hey, girl, you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with makeup in the mirror
tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever, you will surely drown
I see what's going down.
I see the way you go and say you're right again,say you're right again
Heed my lecture.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has...
One day she will tell you that she has had enough
It's coming round again.
[x2]

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has...
Face down in the dirt, she said,
"This doesn't hurt", she said,
"I finally had enough."

Gui @ BAPE

2007-05-26T00:49:00.000+08:00

The world's biggest BAPE STORE opened in Taipei on 15.09.2007.
It's two storeys:
1st - A BATHING APE & BAPE by A Bathing Ape
2nd - BAPY, APEE & BAPE KIDS
It's magnificent people.
As seen, many celebrities.

IM DAMN BORED

Lips of an angel

2007-05-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

Hinder - Lips of an Angel

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

Awwwww.
Don't you just feel for him?
Lovely.
Been playing Hinder's songs lately.
Real good.

II

2007-05-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

you know who

2007-05-19T04:14:00.001+08:00

People I met up with these days.
As you know.

Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire 2

2007-04-15T03:05:00.002+08:00

"No spell can reawake the dead, Harry", said Dumbledore through his moon-shaped spectacles, "I trust that you know that." Harry's face fell.
PAUSE.
"Dark and difficult times lie ahead."
"Soon, we all have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy," reminded kind Dumbledore.
Gripping both his shoulders, he had to break it to him "Remember this, you have friends here, you're not alone."

SOB.
Yeah, but friends just ultimately, are just friends.
SOBBBBB.

Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire

2007-04-15T02:47:00.000+08:00

I'm utterly devastated.
Cedric Diggory is dead, again.
Well, I'm watching Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire now.
I get so emotional whenever both he and Cedric appears on Hogwarts grounds after facing Voldemort (I hope Im brave enough to say his name.)
POOR CEDRIC.
POOR DAD.
PARENTS ALWAYS SUFFER.
POOR HARRY.

Wenta rent this and "Into The Blue" by sexy Paul Walker and Jessica Alba.
Tsk, I've already watchd both umpteen times though.
Felt like watching another Harry's because I just finished reading my 100th of the book.
Does anyone remember if it was Snape who killed Dumbledore in HP & The Order of Phoenix?
I cannot recall.
Ooooh, HP's last book is on the bookings now.
Grab a copy and save 10% off!
Harry Potter & The Deadly Hallows
PLEASE LEND ME.
Because my sister's prolly not going to bring it home.
Anyway, I'd borrow "The Order of Phoenix" from the library soon, gotta catch up and recap the lovely story!
OOOOOOOO.
Okay, bye then.
The show's stopped at Harry in "Mad-Eye's" room and Peter Crouch is gonna appear soon.
Tsk.
Let's pray for Cedric Diggory and his family.

Yesterday we chanced upon the aftermath of an accident.
Dad was showing the newspaper to me today.
An SMRT bus knocked into 2 lovely women aged 42 and 44.
They were going home from a spa.
One died after an hour of rescueing.
The other one is in ICU, with 50% chance of survival.
I AM SO AFFECTED.
Why?

BE STRONG, PEOPLE.
PLEASE DONT FORGET TO PRAY FOR THESE FAMILIES AS YOU EXIT MY BLOG.
PLEASE, BE GOOOOOOD TO YOUR PARENTS; SHOW IT!!!

*Back to HP!
I should sleep early.

2007-04-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAHAHHA ( haha, that was supposed to be in a conversation!)
Anyway, hey hi, its me hitting the keys of my desktop again.
Nowadays, boredom is really beginning to set in, sink in, hitting me.
Days when I wake up wondering which day it is.
Days I sleep like crazy.
Days I stay online like a nocturnal beast.
Days I do nothing other than read some already-being-read-umpteen-times books and comics.
Days when I actually find it irritating to irritate my dad and sis.
Days I stay on the bed because there's simply nothing for me to do even if I get up.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention that I fell sick on a ridiculous hot milo in the morning and suffered for 4 days.
When is work going to start?
I'm so out of dough soon.

Dragged myself all the way to pasir ris again.
During the journey, I entertained myself with Perfect 10 (hahaha it's really hilarious with dan & young.) and some funny videos I have in mind to take in Taipei.
I also got a strong desire to fly off overseas alone.
Tsk.
Not for sympathy or any sort, but gaining another insight and come back more independent is one of my top priority these days.
I hate hate hate to rely on people.
Especially when they're all not around.
Though there're many cons with travelling alone.
But pros outweigh them, I crave to write my diary, take my own videos and photographs, make friends with locals and have real fun.
Or taking the same plane with a friend and then go separate ways!
Tsk, people, save up to go experience the world.
Youth, for merlin's beard, is precious.

Expenses these days are on the rise crazily, as I've learnt that I'm actually 20 and not a child anymore.
Tsk, money's really important to me as I've learnt it the hard way.
So if I travel alone, I'd make sure I have plentiful of extra cash with me.
Hey CR, let's really save up alright?!?!!?!
As you know, it's hard to beg for money from others.
Insecure like shit.

Three weeks have then passed since Taipei.
I miss the food, experience.
Any many more I could do.
Today I really wanted to fly off alone.
It's quite easy to travel around there anyway, and public transport's good.
I wish Singapore has got more spots to go to.
Awww dont we all.

Aza said she hates to see me talking about miserable shit.
So today im talking about neutral things.
I miss the good poly days where we slacked and walked around town.
I miss OLD LIFE.
ARG AZALEAS SIAOYING AMILY YIXIAN!!
Cant wait to see you guys on tues.
Cant believe yixian's really going to aussie for one whole month!

Well not to mention the times when I was 16.
Oh my god.
Freaking 4 years passed but I still feel the same.
Chatting, doing nothing, spending most of my time in bed, and so on.
Why did I let this happen?
Time to earn money and travel, dudes!
Really, it's worth the money, trust me.
Go alone though, if you cant find good travelling companions.
You'd only remain a jaded person in the well.
HAHHAHA with this, I remind june that we're going Redang in mid may.
Stop scrimping and wanting to save up!
*Flashes many travelling promotions ideas

Haha aza, isn't this a normal post?
Take a look at my day.
Even the tee looks elated.

Ending off, last night at approximately 330am, someone made a withheld call to my handphone.
Apparently, I knew he/she wasn't going to speak up as I answered.
Really irritating.
It's been months ago since I got them coming frequently.
Please stop it will you? :)
You know who you are.

UPDATESSS ?

2007-04-06T03:14:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for never being a punctual person.
Today was another day.
I would just take as much time I have and then go out late.
Scheduled to go out at 3pm today, but did only one hour late.
TSK. Can you imagine? And I only curled the bottom sections of my hair!
I woke up at 1pm though; which means I took 3 hours to bathe, eat, dress up.
Excellent.
I do not have time to sleep if I start working!

Sorry for always turning up late!
I AM.

Being upset about life is a addict.
Yanbing was crying and throwing out her anguish at the cheese prata shop.
TSK.
Life's full of shit.
I'm so short of money.
And family matters still exist.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Scandalous.
I miss feng-li-su.
Another trip to Taipei in July, and a getaway to Redang in May would make my life better.
It's crazy la.
Or should I go HongKong?
Miss all the culture shocks!
Small Singapork :(

/I'm so depressed!
Oh yeah, today's meet up was good good gooooooooood.
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA. Though I was LATE.

New chats

2007-03-29T02:25:00.000+08:00

I can't deal with this ugly world.
Haha, very interesting night.
ALL my friends are depressed.

Dull

2007-03-29T00:36:00.000+08:00

It seems that everyone's getting depressed.
I've been going into a dull conversation with june.
Check them out.

HAHA. Just finished eating a braised beef cup noodle bought back from Taipei.
They actually put real meat.
Eeeks. Making a mental note to stop eating Myojo & Campbells.
MOS burger tommorow.
I miss you-know-who after watching entertainment.

Things are getting out of hand

2007-03-28T02:04:00.000+08:00

I need to sidetrack from my trip to expose everyone to reality.
Last night I catched pursuit of happiness with esther.
Good show about family matters & I appreciated it.
And hitched a ride home from her classmate.
Upon reaching home, the thing I feared most happened.

My dad was drunk and apparently just stepped into the house.
Timmy got a shock because I was standing there when she opened the door.
Haha.
Anyway, don't you think that people deal with grief differently?
I put him into bed & also get really worried & tired.
How many a times.
I'd just like to say this on my blog:
He's not going to make it.
Honestly, he is too weak, & if I'm in his shoes, I would too.
I prolly wouldn't be existing now.

No one can do anything; like I said; it's impossible to control others' actions.
Whenever I look at him this way, I see a very pathetic & lonesome man.
And last night, I came to an agonizing conclusion that it's really better for him to leave.
I tell myself that everyone leaves one fine day, and I KNOW and I've been telling myself one day I would have be leading a life with no parents, and prolly some siblings if they're still around.
See?
Quit complaining about your life and spend more time with family.
I detest people saying how much you love your parents.
But don't spend time with them.
You'd think they know & understand you.
But trust me, they dont & wouldn't want.
And the day when you understand this is the day when they leave this world.
Just go on regretting okay?
Im someone who believes actions counts more to the maximum.

Last night, after leaving him alone to sleep, I was telling myself:
hey you can't even manage your own problems, what for do you even bother to CARE about your best friend?
Who apparently, doesnt appreciate it.
And I hate unappreciative people.
Really :) I do.

Hey dad, I wouldn't blame you for leaving this world.
You just cannot help it right?
I know one day you would, its just a matter of time.
I know you would give the world to me if I wanted, and I thank you for all that you ever did; tried; sacrificed.
When you can't take it no more, just go.
I honestly think you are better off not staying here.
I wish you to be happy, more than anything else, if you'd believe in me.

LIKE I SAID.
Everyone's weak.
And my family, me dad timmy, are all pathetic weak people.
Fuck it.
But I cant imagine life without my dad.
Additionally, I also cant, simply CANT picture life without my mom.
So why I am living now?
Why?
(Oh quit please, if you're asking me to be strong, let go, life has to go on, go fuck yourself.)
I could choose to not let life go on right?

Time is short, I don't have much time staying for other people.
I'm not strong but I'm making myself better.
Come on, stop living for youself and go treat your parents better.

I feel fucking miserable.

Taipei Photos

2007-03-28T00:58:00.000+08:00

Okay photos!
I have soo much to say about my life.
And my friends.

XimenDing!

Too early for the shops to open though.

I forgot what it was they were holding.
Okay it was mister donut! Sweet stuffs.

Some pets for sale!

7-11

Yang Chun Mian, Fishball Mian, Gu Lu Fan
for lunch.

Check out UNDERCOVER. The interior cafe! GOD.

Isn't it old school style?

I love this exterior.
Pity its all Japan brand.

Searched for damn long, let me present: Bape & Apee!
The one and only Bape in Taipei.

Address for Bape at Dong Qu. Some alley but its always good products you get there.

Whoo, approaching Eclosion LoLL!
Just imagine you-know-who walking in.
It's all salesgirls :(
Not my style girls clothes though.

You-know-who stood at this same spot outside.
While making shots for the brand.
Nice shirts & material.

Friendly dude at a good store somewhere near Eclosion.
Weekend Hippie stuffs.
Aint she cute?

Good stuffs inside Sense Organ.

Palmboy

Good.

I'd like to get one of these.

Right stepping out.

our expensive results.
it was all crazy stuffs you bet.

finally got to know what's guan dong zhu. and tt's a lunchbox on my left hand.
Waiting for the train at platform.
Classic

ilovesuper!

Us at Jioufen.

Again, after many efforts, apery-tw for stage.
A big thank you for the helpful dude at Nike for directing us.

What they selling at apery showcase

XMD at night

Our buyings.
There's actually more but wei has already packed hers.

That white BAPE is exclusive for Taipei.
No, I didn't get Baby Milo but I asked for Bros Products carrier.

Who is Mr Pan?

Some shots.
That wasn't very nice at Danshui.

Typical salesgirl bored of studying.
18 this year.
GOSH.

Last day.

All that I bought.
Some biscuits; clothes; diamontes; wine; alcohol; belts; bag; boxers; instant mee; loofah; you know, the usuals.

Precious stuffs

Unpacking at home.

That's the hairspray i've been wanting to get.
Check out gui's signature t the bottom left!
I think I prolly wouldn't be listening to the album though.

Neat bottles. Plum wine.

My apologies for friends waiting for more interesting news.
Nah, I didn't go clubbing, ktv nor hot springs.
Honestly I'm very disappointed and wished there was something more to all these shoppings and walkings.
Halfway through the trip, I was tired and kinda wish I was travelling alone.
I didn't even had a chance to write in my diary.
Well, the heavy rain on the third day also caused my shoes to wear our.
I need more shoes.
And get myself a job.

After my previous post, as promised I went into a huge concussion & woke up at 7 in the evening.
Promised esther for a movie date so had to get ready.
Transportation's really getting into me, without bus concession.
There was this dude on the train who was sitting down.
And the weird thing was, my first thought when I saw him wearing a white jacket and the ends were lying on the grey floor was: isn't it so dirty? I picture the bacterias running around the jacket endings and his hands would definitely get DIRTY.
And everyone touches your hair and face with your hands right?
Argh.
Hahahahah. What happened to my hygiene thoughts?!
They are getting worse, but I love it.
Anyway, one of the first things I did when I reached home from the airport was to wash my feet & hands with hand-soap.
Truth is, I really did miss it in Taipei.
Teehee, & I've stopped allowing timmy to touch me with her hands because she would ALWAYS be touching her keyboard.
Wonderful!

Another thing I'd like to clarify is that I have never wanted to manipulate anyone. People around me would just naturally be affected by what I do.
Isn't it so?
Please, wash your hands regularly.
Hahahhahahaha.

TAIPEI

2007-03-26T03:56:00.000+08:00

Hello all!
Just got back home a few hours ago from the airport.
Yeah, I am back.
OS: Singapore is hot man!
Well, many interesting stories to share from taipei, and many photos!
Though I think we should have taken a video of all our shoppings.

Taipei's spring now; so the weather's a bit chilly but cool.
The people generally talk louder than us; with more pronounced chinese.
And their service is better IMO.
Almost everyone's donning sneakers!
And a temptation to buy sneakers almost surged but I KNOW i wouldn't wear them in hot singapore.
Well, their fashion is good. But I reckon the shops are too cramped and most shops of valuable items are in small alleys and isolated.
GOOD GOOD!
We managed to find our label brands; luckily our pre-research for addresses helped.
Though it was relatively HARD to find a shop there, we did it!
Bape was goood, the products are kinda limited but valuable products always make you feel good.
Excellent physical store & staff quality.
I love their material.
Why Singapore don't have such exquisite? RARE.
In the end, I didn't get myself a baby milo.

Undercover is god damn crazy la!
PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT THE PHOTOS TOMORROW.
The shop is MAD. It has an interior chill-out bar cum cafe; the staff's extremely good-looking; and the apparels are goooooood.
Though, my kind of tees.
Designer style, damn ex though.
Couldn't buy it that time because we hadn't checked out stage & eclosion.

Devilock!
Palmboy is sooo cute but it's a pity they don't sell the stuff toys.
We got ourselves a keychain each. Mine's yellow & orange.
The tees too pricey though; bao got 1 which I love the design and you-know-who has it too!
Sinful la, bao.
Wei got 1 palmboy tee too.
WAA LAU, spite me right?!
Im supposed to have palmboy too!

Neverthelessly, cheng ping 116 at XMD has bounty hunter's counter.
I got a white top with that yellow character!
Once again, you-know-who loves it.
Wahahha.

You can see that we spent one whole day searching for all these labels.
And it was real fun buying.
Though they were costly, but buying these labels make you feel more pampered & loved.
I mean, I would even straighten out the carriers & wash them myself.
And you feel sooo much better when you carry a label bag than some far east crazy shop.
Material's definitely better; cos most of them get the copyrights from Japan.
Im totally disappointed in Singapore.
TOO SAFE.
Guys who wear skinny jeans erks me.
And those skinny legs!

Enough of labels!
I tell you, the food & night markets amazing.
We ate & ate & ate that it was too filling for several other new foods to be tried.
Food there can last you for very long.
Their tastes differs that food there is more savoured & seasoned.
And their 7-11s are filled with good instant mees & jellies.
:)

My accomplishments were done.
Bought a Stage tee. (BLACK this time!)
Passed gui the book & gotten his autograph.
He really has a small head & well; seeing him from close makes my heart beat like crazy.
Sorry baby!
WAHAHHAHAHA. I am damn happy lah.
Oh, and found Shiseido's Marie Cherie Perfect Shower!
Good! Can't find it here.
Why can Singapore import more products from Japan?
We were ranting about new ideas we could copy & bring over, & make a big earning outta it.
Hahaahha.
After this, I prolly wont be so obssessed and continue to move on to the next stage of life.
HongKong soon, anyone?
Xavier! Winona! Jy!

Photos tmr; they're in my photobucket now though.
Too tired; gonna read my ilovesuper book & go into a huge concussion.

Pre-taipei

2007-03-20T03:44:00.000+08:00

It's been taxing to wait for people to text you back.
Especially when its urgent.

Today we had a sit-around-and-watch-the-birthday-boy-get-drunk session at Labyrinth.
Happy 22nd, jacob!
Stop getting drunk & tipsy, will you?
We all love you.

ANYWAY. Im heading to nana's house to get camera for my trip.
Things just naturally dampened my spirits.
Somehow going wasn't something I should priortise on.
Sigh.
Neverthelessly, making the sketchbook was great time.
I love being productive.

The itinery is kinda fixed, with many weeks of research by myself.
More shopping and eating to come!
Eclosion, Bape, Stage, Neighbourhood, WDW.. (ooh i must get myself a baby milo!)
Extra Large x 10000 chicken, mee sua, omelette, mua ji, da chang bao xiao chang & not forgetting the all-time-favourite of yanny, FENG LI SU.
CONG YOU BING.
Nightspots!
They have quite a few popular hangouts; for which I reckoned was quite cheap.
MOS is 5 storeys, Plush, Mint, 18, Luxy (though the last 4 was involved in drugs-dealing. but who cares? the better then!)
Oh dear, i wont forget about the wholesale markets & private spas!

HAHAHAHHAHA.
I dreamt of us being in an extremely cold country, and when I drew the curtains (oh dear I almost typed drawed) there was thick snow all over the roads.
Because I prolly wont be touching the notebook tomorrow, im gonna post some photos I took just now.
I'm so excited! One more crazy day to go.

big bao & me while testing out my cell if we were to take photos at nightspots

my helplessness

all my hair care products.
not SO MUCH like I thought it would be.
there's still more in the bathroom though.

raa

writing & sticking those stickers from cre in my diary a few minutes ago.
teehee, who was in my conversation window?

my favourite page in THE BOOK. :)

ending off this post with a bev of my current spot.

2 bloody years

2007-03-12T02:29:00.000+08:00

Today was good.
Had sufficient time to nap twice.
Well, one in the morning.
And one after lunch.

Dreamt about some stuff, which my recollection failed me.

If we could have an answer to all our doubts, couldn't we give something up for it?
I would, to find out if that was not my wishing thinking.

Did you, or did you not, offer me a moment of warmth; love
upon knowing the hard-knock of reality once my eyes open
and you know, it hurts to face the world.

On a very happier note, TAIPEI IS COMING.
I am crazily doing lotsa research.
You know what? I'd really make this trip crazy.
As I said, we're in our golden years.
Time is running short!
Let's embrace the future, hold no rembrance for the ugly past.

//My fringe is too short. That I lose sleep over it.
I KNOW time's running short til 21st. Let it grow baby...
Thanks baby for encouraging me for the torture of IT fair.
Love you.

Some updates

2007-03-07T00:31:00.000+08:00

Some updates recently, as I've realised the idea of blogging hasn't fancy my mind.
As you know, I'd be heading Taipei on 21st this month. Therefore I've started a healthy lifestyle and workout routine. Which simply put : I'm dieting.
Fruits.. exercise, less starchy meals, more yoghurts definitely helps your body.
I'm following a detoxification plan nex week.
My house is congested with different fruits :) to make my day perfect.

ANYWAY.
There's this thing I've wanted to blog about.
That kinda irritates and bothers me.
One of my past relationship in the good old secondary days, happen to bother me sometime last month.
Normally I'd deem it as nothing, because there's definitely no affections left to bother with.
And it so happens that, one cant resist getting irritated and hot-tempered with people who just cant leave you alone.
I mean, what's it gotta do with me when your birthday's coming?
By the way, I don't know if you could smartly discover it, I've resolved to my last option.

I'VE BLOCKED YOU.
Well, you leave me with no choice.
Didn't I warn you to stop bothering me?
I really DID NOT want to keep in contact anymore, for there aint any future benefits.
HAHHAAH SO EVIL.
Anyway, previously I deleted you due to much much hesitation.
Cause I'd seem like a bad.
But then deleting doesn't block you from appearing in my conversation windows.
I should have listen to Ms. Li long ago.
Finally now I feel the wonderness of blocking you.
Anyway, I honestly do not care how you feel and think.
P/S: I also cant remember your birthday, for good information.

OH. When yuemei gets back from genting, I hope to gently remind you to stop telling me any information about you-know-who.
It's very unneccesary.
And I also have much counselling to do for you.
It's ALL for your own good, my dear.
No point at your present state honestly.
Don't forget, im always right.
And I do love you so much to not let you diminish in such an abyss your BOYFRIEND is.
WAHAHHAHA.

/Librans are going through a big and permanent change.
:) Or so I heard.
Good luck to Pigs & Goats interview sweetheart.

on da bus

plain happiness being at home.

jogging routines

something white i threw up aft running

narcissist

GRADUATION

2007-02-18T02:32:00.000+08:00

Life gets tougher as we go on.
But most of us always manage.
But, today is really too much!

Woke up with a splitting headache, did some prayer stuffs.
Had to pack my bags of things from cantonment.
There was ALOT of packing to do, my room was already in a state of typhoon due to exams.
And so, I began shifting my study table & clean up.
Not for 3, 4, 5 but 8 hours!
I did not stop at any point, and also didn't take any food.
Only thing I have in my room was a few slips of water.
BAH.
I felt terrible throughout.
The hunger consumed me like anything & my nose had to become more sensitive than usual.
The crazy dust made me sneeze like mad and also tear.
I CANNOT PACK THINGS ONE LAH.
Peep at the antagonist of my frustrations people.

The thing is I have a maid at home!
What happened?
And timmy was also playing rpg at that time!
No one was available.
NO ONE.

Things got worse when my dad reached home.
I started telling him how non-stop I've been since he left the house.
And showed my efforts.
He merely replied with a cannot-be-bothered tone, " Oh, you do youself lo. I don't want to help you."
WHAT THE FUCK.
Yeah then i replied him in very pained tone that it was antagonizing for me.
AND THEN I CRIED.

Well, life just suck.
Dinner was bad also.
I certainly been losing my appetite lately.
I so wanted to break down while eating but controlled myself.

Another note:
Last paper yesterday.
The anguish, frustrations, emotions, sadness from everything just gushed like a broken tap.
And I also broke down.
But I really doubt my dad knows.
Take a look at my dinner which made me puke amist my revision.

I figured my dad didn't know i've broken down, due to the un-peeled prawns.
I hate prawns lo.
It's just such small;unimportant stuffs, but these are enough to throw one down from the rooftop.

It's going bad.
I heard its chinese new year tmr.
Thinking of what to wear wasn't even on my mind.
Well, yeah I couldn't be bothered to get new clothes.
I cant believe timmy actually bought new clothes.
I mean both me & my dad didn't buy any.
No one is in the mood.
Honestly, I would wear all my old clothes and visit whoever I have to.
Don't you just hate it when others are better off?
Don't you?
Don't lie.

And things would go wrong for you even though all you wanted in the world is to be happy.
Oh also, I've graduated upon suspense.
Now the feeling of exhilaration and freedom is kinda lost, due to such factors.
We kinda expect to graduate someday right?
And I might also fail HPM & IB.
Because I MISSED OUT COMPULSORY QUESTIONS.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Forget it, people.
Just die.
Ffffff

Depressing moods

2007-02-13T04:14:00.000+08:00

I feel depressed today.
Hmm. Perhaps the fact that I missed out part of a question in IB exam which was 15 marks contributed.
BUT THEN.
It's really okay; i know i won't be that depressed because of that.
What's over's really over.

Went home, waited for dad to come home.
Long wait.
Aunt was here & something she said made me ponder.

"You guys are gonna have reunion dinner on Saturday right?"
My first instinct was no of course.
I replied in disbelief as if she didn't know the current situation.
"Reunion what leh?" followed by a low laugh.

Seriously, reunion WHAT?

Wenta get some new year goodies.
Then it came.
Felt so damn weak when I reached home to a quiet, lonesome house.
Well, as usual dad left me alone to come back myself.
Teared up during my bath; and I so fucking wanted to crumple.
Prolly because I feel my dad's pain & suffering.
And also I feel sad for myself in general.
Oh the song playing on radio helped too.

Now I've wanted to NOT go online and just do my own things in my room.
BUT no, hella, I've spent the past hours filling up the application form for uni, and trying to find my exam slips.
I cannot find them though.
Found 3 only. Where's sem 2 and 3?
Must be my most slacking period therefore they're missing.
I FEEL TIRED.
More weak. (but i know there're people in more sticky situations out there.)

Can someone pack for me?
You know I am dependable.
I just wanted to read some comics, drink hot water, read some magazines..
Further still, my diary's waving to me.
I really hate to lay my fingers on the keyboard.
It's again 4.25am! I've been eating 1 meal these weeks, with the rate I'm sleeping.

Also to mention, elder sis came home today.
I can swear to earth that she stepped out of the house in 5 minutes.
Tsk.
But I heard she'll be back on sat for dinner.
Eat what leh?

//After much hesitation, I decided I hate reunion dinners & chinese new year.
原本以為她只是暫時睡著了
一定會醒過來
但沒想到老天爺還是忍心把她給帶走了....

Going through my luckiest moments

2007-02-08T03:18:00.000+08:00

Well. To sum up my WONDERFUL week:
there're a couple of points worth noticing.
1. 01.02: won 2 tickets to luo zhi xiang's live mini concert @ dxo THIS SAT
2. 03.02: struck sweet sweet 4d (I KNOW I AM SOOO BLESSED) oh considering I woke up to buy 4d and stuffs.
3. 07.02: which happens to be today!! won fahrenheit's autographed album.

I've come to realise the trick to winning such stuffs from the radio.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAH.
I became super alleviated today, anyway, thanks yuemei!
Oh gosh. Timmy said that I might be leaving this world any minute now that so many lucky shit happened to me.
I just smiled peacefully at her.

Been studying through the night. Late late night.
Well, finally got out of the house, and i ended up with SGD$900 in both my pockets today. (no la not my prize winnings)
Altered my jeans.
Went Cantonment to take my mobile charger.
I become very disorientated when I'm lack of sleep.
Enjoyed a dreamless sleep from 7am-2pm.
Considering the times I wake up these days, today was DAMN EARLY.
And actually I was really very disillusioned & forgetful.
Almost didn't accomplish what I set out to do!
TSK TSK TSK.
(friends, you see how important sleep is to me!)

HAHAHAHAHA.
hello happiness!
I hope what aza said will become true.
Luck will shine upon me this whole year.
REALLY I NEED THEM.
Esp in taiwan.

Alright, kinda tired.
Next up shall post about interesting facts about myself.
Gonna go study or something.

//I love you, mummy.

Quiz

2007-02-05T03:15:00.000+08:00

Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. (oh god..)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. (damn true)

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. (well, to my past relationships, dont waste time on me!)

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job. (that's fantastic, i'd be more slack in my revisions now.)

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success. x)

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you. (as true as how i hate coke..I AM SO DEPENDENT on people i love. Please dont leave me!)

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. (i've seen stuffs like this many times i do quizzes. so it must be true! or i always do the same quiz. HAHA)

//super sian ah! 5 ffff papers.
HOLY SHIT JUST LET TIME FLY TO MARCH.

Rest well, hsu wei lun

2007-01-29T03:02:00.000+08:00

Im so shocked.
A few hours ago I saw wanchuan's msn: xu wei lun passed away.
He didn't reply me so I didn't think much about it.

But there it was.
No use running away from Fate.
Some guy called Adrian blogged about it too.
I searched for the news.
http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/070128/17/9vpz.html

Accident at Tai Zhong on 26th
Passed away on 28th at 7pm.
2 hours of saving her life.
Her brain was swollen, i think.
And her heart just couldn't make it.
Life is fucking fragile.

I REALLY HATE ACCIDENTS.
FFF.

Whats the thing that hurts the most?
The impact, the bleeding, the dented chairs hurling into your internal organs.
The glass shattering
Your body being thrown aimlessly.
DO YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT HURT.

HEY GOD!

YOU take away everybody.
The old, the young and pretty, the adolescence, the parents.
COME ON JUST TAKE ALL OF US AWAY!

Just a 27 year old babe.
/Bless the family and friends.
But what is the use of blessing? Fuucck shit.
The worst thing is having to transport her BODY back to Taipei.
BODY OK. SHE'S DEAD

AND LORRIES ALSO SUCK.
and do any of you feel more motivated to live because life is PRECIOUS?
not me, i just feel more demoralized.
how to live with such bleaks happening around? HOW HOW.

Fahrenheit mobs. YALUNN

2007-01-29T02:00:00.000+08:00

WELL. packed my wardrobe yesterday.
removed 45 hangers of clothes.
now there's more space for my wardrobe in cantonment.

while only arranging the whites. I HAVE MANY

done with the colours - bottoms, whites, blue, purple, black, pink, misc

spent sat afternoon meeting the new maid, mabelinda, 31 yrs old, fillipino.
didn't went out of my room until the old one left, heard her cry though.
SO SICK.

thank you yuemei for bringing food for me and timmy.
i told you you're much loved by my family.
even the fishes love you :)OH YOU KNOW
*chuckles
keep duing all these and you'd become a better person!

SUNNY SUPER SUNDAY:
woke up late! Slept at 9 plus though.
i woke up at 7am, which never happened before on a Sunday.
read some archies, went back to bed with dreams involving running away again.
swimming and some sort.
11 plus am: woke to see the time, continued my running dream
pulled myself up to reality at 135pm.
didn't have enough time to curl my hair, which i DID do a testing on fri night.
in e end, it has already de curled when i left the house.
what happened exactly to my barbie curls?

all set!

The mall was crowded, you know.
We were early but shopped around, was trampled to death by the mobs.
BUT it was good to glimpse some of the group.
AW goodlookings are such hotties.

while waiting for the handicapped.
en is late.

I really look forward to Taipei.
Hotel bookings done!
New World Hotel - 4 triple room nights - $90 per pax
Thank me for finding such fabulous bargains.
YES.

/finals are coming. v-day is coming!

2007-01-26T04:08:00.000+08:00

Had a slack week in school.
Revision lectures all coming up.
YAY *cheering like mad.

Taipei tickets booked!
Jetstar, 21 march - 25 march: SGD334
DAMN HAPPY LAH.
cheaper than expected; sudden promotion

Went bugis collected the black pants for ATF shift.
Several things caught my attention, but maybe spending money recently is not my interest, i resisted the temptations.

Met aza :)
Oh yeah, i hope sy is really doing well.

I forgot what I was gonna blog about, but then.
Toodles!
Can't wait for SUNDAY!

Tuesday @ Bakerzin, Vivocity

tim wasn't interested to take a photo with me at all.
HOW RUDE.

it's 4am & im feeling hungry.
toms will be an indoor days, oh yeah, a new maid's coming at saturday.
big sis will be coming back.
hm.
tim said its because of her character tt she doesnt come back home often.
cny's coming.
i miss it all.
sigh.
this is how its gonna be forever.

HAHA WHAT A PERSONAL POST.

for fun's sake:
everybody, meet melly & yanbing.

Recent happenings

2007-01-20T01:59:00.000+08:00

Life's been funny.
These two weeks I haven been taking buses back home from school.
Due to enen's "lao pok car", thank you.

I'm certainly not made for the rain.
On thurs, my slipper swam away with the flooding waters on the road.
While I was chasing after it, some dude at the shelter was cheering "Ohhhh, faster faster..!" in mandarin.
Hilarious shit!
It always happens to me these days.
I did a 5cm jump and stopped my slippers.
Now that I look at it, it has braved several storms with me, I wouldn't trade it for 100bucks.
Irony - when i mention that incident to my dad, he said he'd bring me out & guide me alongside with safety when it's raining. but i thought where on earth was he when it's raining?
WHERE.
Like I said, Im good alone.
But I have a bad feeling in one month to come when I move back.

I also ate many junks on that day, which was NO SCHOOL day.
It's good! 1 week i get 4 days to rest.
Woke up at 2pm.
Bathed and slacked til 330pm (I took a super longer than usual long bathe.)
From 4pm, I ate: 1 plate of carrot cake with little chilli
Nutri-tea, wolfberry & chrysanthemum (YUMMY)
Half of granny's sliced fish bee hoon
1 packet of pocky
Half cup of strawberry yoghurt drink
Half of a bottle of pork floss (LOL)
100plus left from previous mahjong session
OKAY SO MUCH RUBBISH.
I didn't stop and ate all these from 4pm til 7+pm.
TSK.
And drank "zhe zai" tea back at cck.
One day's food hurts so much, i might have slept whole day right?
Sleep. Is. The. BEST.

See some photos then!
Im sooo craving for mahjong.

fell asleep with all these occupying 1/2 of my tiny bed.
btw, my bag's also under my pillow.
IM SO STUDIOUS

LAO POK CAR

driver w/o seatbelt

the mysterious fog that happens when it's raining.
can see meh? how to drive?

dudes @ chinatown food mrkt

wonderful prawns last sat. GOOD

us stepping on our trohpy that night.

when patience runs out.
and you still haven caught any dudes.

shaaa

Today i grabbed a novel from my sista's bookdrop.
Spent half of my late-already day reading it.
When in Rome by Gemma Townley
Romantic shit. Reminds me of the same stories archie comics i can memorise at any point you feel like reading something.
LEND ME SOME PLEASE.
Im also soo in love with this number "No promises" by Shayne Ward.
Watching Young & Dangerous No.4 on ppstream, actually im just listening to the show as I type this entry.
Time to read my novel!
MAHJONG PLEASE TOMS otherwise i'll be stuck infront of the tube.

Blessings to timmy.
I hope she becomes stronger.
:) She just teared in my arms TSK.
Such a vulnerable sister.
ZARCH, best of luck on monday.
TSK TSKKK.
Til then, folks.

***************
OH WELL> i was too bored i took some photos aft publishing this so I'm posting these now.
Whee!

novel!

walked to living room & checked tim out.
she's so depressed she's playing SOLITAIRE & listening to WESTLIFE.

my stuffs.

what's on my desktop

Prawning with the girls, & Colt

2007-01-14T06:49:00.000+08:00

Well! Back from prawning
Oh it's a long story, many funny things went on.
Take a look at how we make the prawns easier to kill.
I SHOULD HAVE VIDEO-ED THE HEADSHOT PART.
tsk.
cruel sia.
there's only 5-6 prawns inside, but later we ended up with 26 prawns to grill.
MUAHAHAH random people!
zzzz got big KOONG one though.

And also, on yuemei's bday celebration.
A video taken by yc.
Yuemei's in her own world, we were playing with ourselves, kh's in her(I MEAN HIS) own world, rodney & brandon singing in their own world & fang in her own dinner.
MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
It's always funny whenever people do not know you're video-ing.
You see yuemei, xiaoming & kim guan!
The guys' singing is great too.

Rena's 20th birthday

2007-01-12T01:44:00.000+08:00

Hey baby..
Happy 20th Birthday to you.
Well too many people are sending their faith & hopes for you so I'd just cut this short at enen's house :)

Erm. The recent years may not be full of breezes & fun but life has its ups & downs, especially for you! (please do not say the same thing to me.)
Hope everything goes well for you in the next couple of years (since it's a crucial turning point), meet someone real good(don't take away all the talls) & many many many happy blessings alright?
You know it. ZU TO.

We're gonna go out have fun today, even though there's abacus test.
Presents are useful & well-thought off ;)
RED.
That's also why Im staying over at en's house & why I risked my neck spending her first ever car journey from school to her house.
You can't imagine!!
I spent all the time wiping the fog on the glass panes.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Oh yeah, please do not ignore me after graduation! ;)

*yanny has gotten her car!!
Black colt.
Prawning session this sat, guys!
Can't wait, sweets.

DBY

2007-01-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

Gosh, skipped school again today.
Anyway, not a big issue at all.
Had a kbox session with yuemei & guys.
It was weird, cos throughout the 6 hours i felt like hugging someone.

Woke up at 330pm, continued re-watching devil beside you.
Just finished the wonderful last episode.
Oh well, did not want to start on this drama, but since it was showing on PPstream.
I couldn't resist clicking on it.
MIKE HE IS TOO CHARMING.
Haha, I didn't leave my laptop screen from then til now, I even carried it to the toilet.
WAHAHHAHHA.
It's too much.
Since PPstream only shows 4 episodes a day, & i do not have time tmr, i continued on Youtube again!
Youtube just cannot run away from me.
People who havent watched it (are you living at all?), please go.
I've watched it umpteen times but the story is real great.

And I really would like to become stronger, like him.
Bad week has passed.
Alright, next up is Rena's birthday.
Let us countdown to february!!
^^ yes.
Having someone who loves you is crazy.
HAHAHHAA yuemei, i NEVER will fall for you-know-who.
But, if you can, please keep him away from me.
But you cannot stop him from coming! :D *winks
I've set your birthday wish for you:
become a better person! :))))
STOP DOING SUCH THINGS. *laughs dam loud

Take a look at some photographs.

Same phone same phone

I think I look dam swollen. WHY
Eh don't look like xiaogui lo....

After 10 tries?

Teeheehee.

----

My fingers did got numb.
But kh's fingers cant even fit!

Blessings to the world's bad woman

& also darkest.

TESTING

Oh god. I can't believe someone actually cried aft reading my previous entry.
Dude, you're even weaker than me man.
At least I have stopped crying.

Ffffffff

2007-01-07T00:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, you can't really blame those people who abuse themselves.
A few cuts & bruises, you cringe and turn away.
I never thought I could understand.

Thoughts. Bad thoughts that come easily are the most dangerous.
But after some time to think it through, aren't they the best solution?
Among all the ugly alternatives.
It's simply the most EASIEST way of all.
And you just do it like this! (please picture any scene of yourself in your glory-est moment.)
Isn't it.
ISN'T IT??

Last night was one of the best fucking nights I could ever wish for.
The misery & sufferings you have to endure upon losing someone is already enough.
The aftermath always results in betray, pain & everything.
People coming in , people not related to the issues concerned, people who just sucks.

I thought that I needed someone. When I was sick last night.
But since all these had to happen, I needed no one.
Really, it's unbelivable.
That me, someone so crazily dependent on others, actually is better on my own.
:) Thank you for making me understand this.

Some thoughts I haven had the chance to pen down:
Amidst any family quarrels, even if you were sick at that moment, your mother would still give you a glass of water & some painkillers.
Your father would give them to you because you asked him to.
Your sister don't fucking care. Or show she cares. It doesnt matter anyway.
IM GOOD MYSELF.

Your father gives you allowance to pay practically anything you want.
Your mother restricts you, so you turn out cherishing the lil stuffs you have.
But really, who needs money? You'd get sick.

On your mother's 1st death anniversary, your grandmother tries to comfort you by giving you a can of coke.
Which happens to be the drink you detest the most.
You die ;) thinking how wonderful the world is.

Your auntie cuts up slices of mango for you, places them onto a plate, and passes to you.
Your mother takes effort to peel off the skin & passes them to you.
Even though you are really just lazy to do it.

Your father picks out small portions of fish during dinner, because you do not know how to do it.
But you end up having small bones in your throat.
Your mother would pick them out carefully beforehand, before you even sit down to have dinner.
But since there's no one else left to do it, you wouldn't touch that dish of steamed fish anymore.
P/S: But i really hate fish la.

You often return home, feeling nothing.
The people, the furniture, the interactions, even the floor itself is cold.
Home no longer bares meaning.
(OH I BELIEVE THIS HAPPENS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS LOST.)

You no longer know where to go, what to do, who to believe, who to love.
Any small steps of effort taken is deemed as a wrong one.
Many times, you cannot really show your emotions.
Many times, you die trying.
Worst still, YOU STILL HAVE TO GO ON.
Study, gosh who wants to go to school really? In all these?!!!
WHO YOU TELL ME.
I'd really like to sleep and die.
Oh, but I can't of course.
Because someone would still wake me up.
So, just fucking let me sleep.

Occasionally, you find yourself asking "so what now?" and time has barely passed.
Not even 2 years has passed.
But you don't know how to carry on.
Don't know how means I don't have a choice because I'm still living,*(omg just end it) and there's also so many fucking crazy issues you have to deal with alone.

So I'm saying. You can't blame people who abuses themselves or "want to die".
The thought just comes naturally to everyone, you just haven't came across yet.
Lucky you.
Why do I say that?
Because someone as sensible & nice like li yanbing.
Actually has this thought as well one month ago. On this fucking night.
Which I coincidentally, almost did it as well.

YAYAYA.
I hear you saying "You gotta think of your family and friends."
"That's silly."
"Oh please don't do this to yourself. You should cherish life."
Oh dear... *shakes head
You feel nothing with your family & friends.
And they should know better than to cherish one another right?
I reckon im doing fine though about this part. Actions, are the only things important to me.
Since you are feeling lost even with your family & friends, why hold on?
Go on, let go.

Life itself is worthy of cherishing. No matter what happens or such.
But you can't.
When you are vulnerable & weak & that's not when some things happen.
Its forever.
How does this cherish come about?
Other stuffs that people care about wonderful life, is not what you see.
One man's treasure is another's poison right?
Poison. is all around.
And there's nothing left.

Nothing!!
Ok?
Heehee, but that's okay..
One more time of these fucking nights, and i'll do it.
JUST ONE MORE.
great.
And oh no, its bloody not for attention la.

2007

2007-01-02T18:20:00.000+08:00

I would not go to fireworks in future.
What's e fun in it?
Except if its outta Singapore.
OH DEAR.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.
I hope that rocky's well, gonna take him to the vet's tmr.
Im just gonna spend these 2 months in a breeze, meaning I'd just do what I can.
Then its the start of a new life.
Whee.

Shall end off with a lovely song I found a few days ago.
Really lovely. REALLY.
Whooooo~~ forever feels like homeee~~
HOME SITS IN YOUR HEAD, all alone :)
Or is it?
Oh my god the singer's Corey Taylor from SLIPKNOT can you believe??!
Oh dear check out his hair.
Aw, i just found this clip on Youtube & I'm so fucking more pained.
It's the 2nd song ever I could hear the pain of the singer.
The 1st was this cantonese piece Hai Kuo Tian Kong by Beyond.

Stone Sour - Through Glass

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head.

How do you feel? that is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in, describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real, so much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart,
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises (no more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember its just different from what you've seen.

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you
And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed oh god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you
And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you
Who are the stars?
Who are the stars?
They lie…

Happy 20th Birthday Amily..
Wish you were here, that's all.

Deathnote 2: The Last Name

2006-12-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

(I just received yixian's xmas card & this badge came along in the addressed mail. Sweet, thanks. This pic is soooo ancient.)

Happy Boxing Day to all!
Deathnote 2: The Last Name was awesome yesterday.
I loved the plot & the ending surprised me.
Im sure everyone who watched the show is in love with 'L', but I still prefer Kira. His personality, and of course, the actor.
Tatsuya Fujiwara certainly did a fantastic job.
The gaze held when he surprised Misa by wanting to do something.
GOSH. FUJIWARA-SAN.

L is absolutely cute & breathtaking too.
He is far more attractive the "L" in the anime; or maybe is it being him in real life?
BUT, its known that I fall in love with bad guys :)
Bad boys: come to me!
Misa is damn cute as well; i really did tear for her past.
The actress is only 19 this year. SO SKINNY LA.
Does japanese ever eat?

Oh, i'd definitely give the show a 2nd watch.
To clear my doubts.
Why did ... zzzz
WHO WANTS TO WATCH?

p/s: 1more month plus of PORK poly-life to endure!! HUAT, I love arronbubest! Bloody xmas~

Pre-Xmas

2006-12-24T01:58:00.000+08:00

Melly xmas ! I'll prolly be staying indoors today.
And prolly spend my day with my dad.
Go down to Nokia Service Centre, go see a chiropatic(DAMN I CANT REMB if its spelled like this) with him, have some drinks etc.
Recently, i've strong feelings towards people having warm families.
Not broken, not miscommunicated and bless you, not dysfunctional.
That last word reminds me of Joseph Hooper & his kid in the book "I'm the King of the Castle".

Sigh, I just stared at this novel in my bookcase and I FEEL SO F$%#^* sad.
(It's a subjected novel in Literature class in my lower secondary days.)
People spending good loving times celebrating occasions with their families.
Gosh, the scene is fabulous. WAHHHHHHH.
Turkey, log cakes, food, drinks, people you love.
Laughing & talking. SPENDING QUALITY TIME.
Thinking of it, i doubt none of my family people has had such an experience in celebrating such stuffs.
Or even go out together! OMGG I REALLY NEVER HAD A MEMORY OF 5 OF US TOGETHER.
It would be you being alone, or with just another family member.
HAHHAHAHAHA.
How can it be? To feel weird celebrating ANYTHING with a member of the family.
F*^@!%@!(@)!82!0921
So, good lucky, you dudes out there.

Then, when you just stay this way all these years, you grow up being like this.
And see no need for love. And feel weird if there's ever a chance; no a thought of being together would be scary.
And one fine day, when its your turn to bid farewell to the world, you leave them with wounded scars.
But no one knows.
They'd think you had a good life.
Disgusting lah.
WUDDUP with all these guilts invoked after being taken for granted and regret? WHAT IS WITH IT. Bah, to the hell with it.

Honestly, I cannot wait for my last day in poly.
REALLY.
Enough! Another happy point to note: I'd be moving back SOOOON.
Is it?
Take a look at some photos>

Watch the amount of dust of my room in Cantonment.
There's more in the dustpan.

Ew

A small portion of my small room.

Was at TFS, i got the purplish one on my forth finger.

:))))))) I'm his best customer.

Lol

12.22/Xiyi's house for dinner =)

Un-dwarted by the drinks.

BWAHAHAHHA.

Joan's xanga

2006-12-20T01:46:00.000+08:00

To Joan: (我晤可以ｒｅｇｉｓｔｅｒ呀，　ｓｏ　ｐａｓｔｅ　ｈｅｒｅ．）

Hi!!
瓦娃娃。。。
係我啦，你咯新加坡朋友呀。。
交换了日记must第一时间留言啦。。。开心吗？哈哈
认识你勁好呀，有一点好笑，不果，好才我那日又走进SALAD :)
那你要快点来找我哦，我带你和你朋友玩!
Good Luck! I will put up pictures for you to see.

Okay guys.. just gotten Joan's blog but couldn't register with xanga.com.
Ya, met her in HongKong so pardon the chinese! :)

啊啊～～一咯相晤係好靓呀，嘿嘿。

TODAY I WOKE UP AT 6AM.
Wonderful.
Where are we going for Xmas?
Not in the mood for projects and shivering school.

Reviews after previous entry

2006-12-17T22:30:00.000+08:00

WELL.
Nothing special happened preceding cheng's birthday.
So I'm just gonna put up some highlights of that day.
OMG the desire to embark on a plane to Taipei NOW is sooooooo fcuking strong you can kill me.
:)
Booking tickets by this week! *Hops around w/o rolling my eyes

What happened at the MILKSHAKE party (APA MILKSHAKE'S GOTTA DO WITH IT??):
Aft pushing our way through into the club, we died.
So this vid was taken outside MOS

Cheng & Nana secretly took an apology video with my cell:
(MUAHAHA)

Me & En's response:

At 2nd level's ladies:

Time for 2 weeks break. But its project rushing time.
I feel like giving up, my body's been possessed with "The Taiwanese Element".
OKAY! Time to summarize my travelling spots this year.
Apr: Tioman (Salang Beach), Malaysia
May: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia & Krabi, Thailand (BEAUTIFUL)
Aug/Sept: Tioman (Something starting with "P"), Malaysia
Nov: HONGKONG
Wonderful!
Next up, I expect to spend a bomb in Taipei.
And really get into it.
I might migrate with my dad.

Pre-Milkshake Party

2006-12-09T16:06:00.000+08:00

Last night, though i hate to admit, was too emotional.
Went to town after school ended.
The 4 of us sat and coffee bean and by an hour, all of us was engaged in such heart wrenching talks.
Anyway, I'm the one who got everyone crying.
HAHA, sorry.
And I saw quite a few people I hadn't seen in years.
Xavier, Chloe, Mr. T
ALL DAMN LONG NEVER SEE THEM LAH.

Mr. T waited for me to reach the interchange.
We walked home at midnight, and so I became not so emo.
Thanks.

Today is milkshake party!
Celebrating Cheng's birthday.
I heard its gon be so crowded; wish I wouldn't chance upon people I don't wish to see.
It should be great right.
I am feeling all excited now.
Only 4 hours away!

Videos taken this week:

Monday (in class)
"Darren's wonderful snores."
Turn up your volume please; i'm the one going "shhh" at the start.

Having steamboat at bugis
"Imitating some emoticon and my ideas"
That's my laughter for your information. ROFL

Friday (at canteen one)
Rena was filming & I'm not involved at all, busy copying answers.
I name this vid "Our Daily Frustrations"

(at DT lecture)
Karin was having fun with my handphone protector.
Again, turn up your volume.
And again, that's my laughter.

Me: What's xiaobai duin?
Karin: Doing household chores
Haaaaa. =<

Hkg Videos

2006-12-03T03:02:00.000+08:00

[NEW ONES] All the funny videos taken in HongKong
ENJOY. Wait for them to load cos it's worth it la dude.

Check out that bung lah. Wahahha damn funny! I can't stop laughing.

3rd day: Having food at some cafe; cheng reckons its super funny and tt i cld manage to lure paul paul out of his own world :)
Ends with rena trying hard to order from the hard-to-read menu

1st night: The two of them got DRUNK. Disgusting guts from cheng, check out rena's laughter la. I should have been there to video it man. The way rena speaks is fraeky.
RENA PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS TO ME IF I AM DRUNK.
"Don't worry, I am here." MUAHAHAHHAHAHA classic

3rd day at Nu Ren Jie: Steps to buy a bag
I think my hair sucks.

Cont: Rena's purchase and some humour

[upload tmr, it's 5am]
btw, lyb just gave me this cool link
http://waikim.youaremighty.com/
holla at it dude. :)

2nd day: Visiting cheng after some talk [she got acute appenditicis!?!?!]

4th day at Ocean Park: My involvement whn we were climbing a slope

Cont: On the Abyss Ride (20storeys if im not wrong)
It was so much less scarier than the one at Genting.
Ironically, it's much higher.
FUN LAH.
p/s: I sat alone for a RollerCoaster ride! =)

Day 2: Mtr (How to buy a ticket)
Crux: Clarence's "I wanto go 7-11 buy coins"
MUAHAHHA

Cont: Got into Yau Ma Tei's platform
Ends with me trying to say something to clar.

Cont: on MTR to Causeway Bay

Day 3: Last night left to shop!
Clar:"These are the random local pple." LOLLL
Pardon the shaking, he will be much experienced in future.
You'll be able to see some of the streets and humanity.

BAD NIGHTS

2006-12-01T02:07:00.000+08:00

Things would just never be the same again, can they?

I hate this.
Not exactly knowing what to do these days.
A few nights ago, I cried hard for 2 hours.
Then I missed an important tutorial the next day.
The worse is, I had sucidal thoughts again.
AGAIN
HAHAHAH
Anyway, I wrote this down so that I could remember.
I do not have a problem.
I figured Im weird enough.
Even if I was having those thoughts at that point of time, I could still think of other unrelated stuffs.
I mean, there's always a time for crying and another for leisure.
And I'd know it's gonna turn out fine after that.
I could really speculate and watch it from there.

Um, I don't really understand what i'm trying to say.
Do any of you understand?

I know that the problems I'm having cannot be solved.
Having one man right now in my life is sure a headache.
I JUST KNOW.

Oh yeah, don't worry about me okay?
Good shit will happen soon.
I can put aside those thoughts.
But the saddest thing is: he laughed when i told him i'd kill myself to prove it.

F%$#*!

Oh and 2 nights ago, my elder sista came back w her bf.
I passed her the keychain I've gotten from Hkg.
Apparently I was doiing my e-tutorial so she glanced at my screen.
Then she asked when did the semester start.
And she also saw that it was week 6 on my screen.
I told myself how cool your own blood sista only know you've started school after 6 cool weeks.

F#&$&^*&()&**%^$%#@!$#*%*&(!!!!

Can I just go travel?
/Hong Kong pics sooooon. Restless lah.

Back from hkg

2006-11-25T03:30:00.000+08:00

I am back!
HSIANG GANG
HAHAHHAHAHAAH.
Felt soooo tired last night, i just came up to inform my return.
It was great shit.
Though time was limited, but i'd go again. After taiwan pls.
Good weather, great pple, fun experience.
NICE!

Byeeeeee.
Best part: I did not spend alot of dimes.
Worst part: I got slight rashes! ;( & cheng got sick.
/gonna go relux and take a chill pill.
Photos up soon!
=)

20/11/2006 - HongKong Trip

2006-11-19T21:52:00.000+08:00

I'll be going away to HongKong for a few days.
Taking a 10am flight tmr morning.
Back on Thurs midnight.
You know what?
I hope to have real good shit over there.

All you hongkies all dogs my man jus holla at me!
LEI AH LEI AH!

My room mate will be karin :)
God bless i'd hang out w a good group.

Shots from this week

2006-11-12T04:34:00.000+08:00

I am back.
Thanks to all who've expressed yourselves.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Oh ya, it did not occur to me to buy 4d today.
It came out.
That special number that only I buy =) only she knows.
But what's a few setbacks to me?

Alright, take a look at some shots taken this week.
[trying hard to calm myself down]

nice hot japanese caffeine from some jamming m/c

uhhh.

we did had a haircut

rare happyyy

some of the puffnation tees i wana get! www.puffnation.com (i forgot how to link)

;)

Hot to the touch.

at hilton some waiting area

kenneth e skinny (WAHHAH)

i missed it

lovely

preceding a sumptuous meal.

we went for the reverse bungy, damn crazy.

that is why i say, i treasure my youth.

off we go. p/s: that's a tourist beside ph =) christine

may we be blessed for being young.

haircut @ 2way by justin, i think.

blackhaired.

snaps while waiting for enen.

That's all. Oh well, i've spent several days cooped up at home.
One more school week to Hongkong, that is.
Oh my god. I need it badly.
It seems like my friends' parents will be buying HongKong dollars back for them.
This is how it's like when you have no one to do it.
BUT, I'm so used to it.
And I have a feeling even if I spent $1k over there my dad wouldn't even rage.
How meaningless.
SIGH.

My 4d was soo meant for me.
I should have known the moment i said it, it'd open sooner or later.
You wouldn't know how amazing. Hahahah, i feel her love being around.
Tim says it cannot be measured through monetary terms.

Anyway, went alameen with wei.
For dinner/supper: I had mee bandung with teh tarik.
AND fried chicken! additional a substantial amount of french potatoes sliced.
And after that a few sips of kambing soup.
And a piece of chocz she bought for me.
Thank you, it helped :)

p/s: did you know that croissant is actually pronounced as "kwa-suung"?
next time do it to a french chef, he'd understand.
"iwano orler raisin kwa-suung pls.."

Fucked Up

2006-11-10T02:17:00.000+08:00

My eyes are damn red and swollen from crying.
Fuck the past 1 hr.
I spent the past few minutes ago, facing a crazy situation.

It's dad's birthday today.
The day was spent w us shopping and all.
Then he went out cos his friends came over to sunshine place.
I was alr feelin what the fuck.

Fuck it.
I feel sooo screwed.
Each time I do things being strong, people around me just show me signs of weakness.
How am I expected to be strong?
Yes, i know people die & one day, he'll leave me unintentionally.
I REALLY KNOW.
I said I'd leave him 1st cos I'm selfish and I won't want more grievances.
He didn't even know he puked or had a tummyache. I just felt so damn fuckkking farking fcuking weak.
I just cried and teared like mad
( TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, I AM SICK ALSO)
Then he teared also
It wasn't my heart bleeding this time.
I just felt WEAK to the maximum I could ever have.

Oh man fuck it fuck GOD JESUS everyone!
I am totally wrecked now and nothing helps.
No one really understands what's going on and also they do not show concerns.
We teared for an hour and believe me, i hated sitting there.
With him holding my hand.
My nose kept running like a tap.
I FELT NUMB.

Someone... please save me
Anyone

It's too late to save our healths.
Stop drinking and smoking.
You'll just really die.
I AM SO MAD AT ALL THESE ADDICTORS.
Just fuck off lah, really.

If I could die again, I just died.
Because part of me died along with her.
And slowly I'd realise it's true, the whole of him died too with her.

Very excellent, i have broken down again.
ATM make-up lecture tmr ;'(

I feel so tired, totally drained.
I wasn't expecting this to happen, you know?
And forbid it that he will leave me someday.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
At the end of the world, no one other than your own family wld stand beside you.
And if family aint family no more, what's you gotta do?
So,
Can I please die 1st?
I don't care at all about my future, I just don't want to live a dying soul anymore.
If problems can be taken away, would you take them away?
Running away, they said, is bad.
F$*&@#
Some problems cannot be solved, you can just run away.
Because when you face it, you'd find yourself facing emptiness.

AHHH, thoroughly mad.
I HATE TO FACE THIS ALONE.
But even if there's someone else here sharing, it'd still be me alone.
FUCK
FUCK
FUCKKKK.
(I AM SO HUNGRY AND SICK)

Stop drinking and smoking and clubbing, idiots.
Stop all these actions.
[kenneth just told me brb and WENT OFFLINE. fuck.]

re: A&K's wedding dinner

2006-11-01T19:36:00.000+08:00

(retyping cos i presesd undo)
From Angela's and Kelvin's wedding dinner:
She was pretty.
He was lovely(?).
They are happy.

I teared up alil at the table, picturing my own wedding and how lack of love it would be without her. YOU KNOW. Or i reckon, you don't know lah. Bcos it hasn't, wouldn't, happen to you guys all there. No matter how i see it, it's gonna be so boring and unlovely bcos of the people's presence. I can just picture it!! ARGH.
Anw, something bad occurred to you-know-who.
To you: i am sorry for what happened. i'd never know how the pain feels like, i'd certainly never know. but, what's important is to retain and maintain this loveliness all around you and your family. you know it, don't you? it's okay to fall down at time too. remember that we are all weak people.

Yixiannn

Very toxic girl.

before appearing before you-know-who [hahahaahaah]

Busy sy

Well, it's too dark lah.

From Angela's and Kelvin's wedding dinner:
She was pretty.
He was lovely (?).
They must be happy.
I teared abit while sitting at the table, picturing how my marriage would be like and how lack of love it would be. YOU KNOW.
Then, something very bad occured to you-know-who.
To you: it's certainly something i've never gone through, therefore i can't say i can sense your pain. but, what's important now are the loveliness around you.
be strong. it's okay to fall sometimes though.
or you can be like me, you know.

Trallala

while waiting for sy to fetch me.

jie in pink :) (oops, he's signing in!)

It's a terrible semester.
I've missed atm and hpm lects again!
I only managed to wake up for classes on Monday and Tuesday.
Wednesday is just tooo.. tiring. 9am - 4pm.
Anw, it's been boring.
People, ask me out pls!

Fri : Meeting azaleas =)
Must chill man.

A damn crazy week, my 3rd w850i on hand

2006-10-29T01:53:00.000+08:00

BUSY WEEK.
CRAZY WEEEEEK>
I am currently holding my third w850i on my hand.
I hope nothing bothers me from now on.
SONY ERICSSON BETTA DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

Some pictures from my phone, ahahahhahahaha.

N A N A

Cheng

Xin ku ni le. =X

My elder sis, her face looks soooo long here.
I swear it's not like this! Promise.

Tim tom.

How homely people are we.

Name of the Starhub service personnel.
I really didn't want it to end up like this, dude.

Some nice shit at Mario's Korean Kitchen.
Nice! We just had to reward ourselves with mouthwatering food.
After all, it is such a looooong weeek.
Thanks baby. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.

=)

I've been trained to take spicy food.
My throat hurts! This was sausage, toufu steamboat.
Zzzzz. Forgot what it's called in korean lah.

Toms would be another busy day.
It's Angela's and Kelvin's wedding dinner.
Ah, finally it has arrived.
I hope I'd have enough time to prepare by the time i reach cantonment.
Alright.. Blissful marriage pls! =)

1 litre of tears, it is TOO HARD TO TAKE.
People, start watching. You'd definitely take upon another beautiful perspective towards your life.
I can't believe this young girl actually had worser life than this, as Asou-kun is just another fictious character they made up!
Awww..
it is time to protect our youth.

2006-10-28T03:54:00.000+08:00

Randoms!!!

What is wrong with service personnel nowadays?
I have to go down to Starhub again!
hello, when can i have some peace with my phone?
WUDDUP!
But neverthelessly, October is such a lovely month.
Yb bought a Mitsubishi Colt finally!
Yay.

my w850i, 2 days old

2006-10-24T22:31:00.000+08:00

I have finally bought a new phone.
I've been using this samsung e600c for over 2 years.
And god bless Sony Ericsson for releasing the white color of w850i before the eom, i'd die from waiting.
And Starhub never even call me about the release!
Disgusting customer service.
Okay, it's been 2 days only. I only took these pics.
=) Could only take 2 of my classmates cos the rest sitting v far la.

Ming

En

Yuemeiiii

Her crazy drawing under my block, enlarge it!
HAHAHHAHA i am supposed to be the one carrying HER laptop w a skeptical face. And that lil curvy hair at the side of my head's e "way i do my hair" =)

Wheee. Trying out. 2 mp only

Anyway, thank you yuemei.
These 2 days been crazy running around settling my phone.
I finally also changed my sim card to 3G. Just tested w eugene only.
OH I LOVE MY PHONE!
Bless I do not drop or dirty it.

Tribute to my e600c:
Thanks for being there for my ups and downs.
2 years were alot for you to deal with huh?
Although you didn't belong to me in the 1st place, despite e MILLION times i've caused you to face setbacks and failures, you've outstanding abilities compared to your species.
You're like me.
Being slapped in the face when you're at the most vulnerable stage.
Being abandoned and betrayed when you thought you were safe.
Haha, I feel crazy writing this.
Anyway, I'd put you into safety from now.
During this period of time, you're left bruised and faded.
We've each got to learn the hardest way of losing our loved ones.
I thought your front screen would eventually drop out in time.
But you never did.
You just don't die, do you?
You're me.
I love you!

HAHHAHAAHAHHA.
Today was great, i spent the whole day with dad.
I woke up at 9am.(becos I slept at 9pm)
It was good, we had time for interaction and all.
And we went to the cemy, couldn't find e way as usual.
Watched "Tom Yum Goong" which I rented yest for him.
MAUHAHAH such togetherness.
But no time to take pics; it was damn tiring when it was 6pm.
Should have hung out w the guys.
We should just live each day like its the last day lah.

Okay, this week is a slack school week.
Mon ended at 1pm, today's a public holiday.
Tmr long day though, thurs finally no IS, friday school.
School, rest, school, rest, school.
Last week i only attended 2 days of school.
If this goes on, it would be perfect.
I AM SO NOT A MORNING PERSON.

P/S: 1 Litre of tears is damn sad lah.
Til kingdom comes!

FUGLY CAR STEALERS

2006-10-21T03:15:00.000+08:00

KNOW WHAT'S THE MOST CRAZIEST EVIL THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE ?

stealing.
At first, i thought you-know-who got his motorbike stolen.
But, no, hell, it was a brand new just bought CAR.
Fucking stolen, right below a restaurant, after eating.
FUCKING WHY DOES THESE PEOPLE TAKE AWAY OTHERS' THINGS THAT THEY SAVED UP FOR?
That is totally downright unacceptable, despicable, fugly, UNDESERVING.
I tell you, you will just rot in hell for what you have done.
Next time when you guys repent and start your own new life with your family and kids, YOUR KIDS WILL GET KIDNAPPED.

It applies to all kinds of theives.
Even a handphone or sorta whatever that doesn't BELONG.
Anything that doesn't BELONG should go away.
How does it feel when you lose your favorite blanket at night?
FUCK OFFFFF.

A conversation told by yb when i told her about this raging incident:
Between some malaysians at a SIN bus stop [with STRONG MALAYSIAN ACCENT]
A: waa, spore got alot of nice cars hor?
B: yeah, see liao feel like stealing.
A: ya, if in msia, sure kena cop.
(I'm 89% sure they're JB people, okay.)

HELLO HELLO HELLO. what the fucking hell do we need such bastards in the world? To add on to our misery? Hello cmon just get your life and go be a beggar or something.
I AM SO SUPER ANGRY.

A BRAND NEW CAR!
TWN 300,000 and newly apppreciated.
His bag, camera, and some lovely shopping items inside.
Aiya, i'm so disgusted and really feel for him.
I'm sorry this happened.
Reading his blog about the past makes me feel totally nostalgic.

STEALERS: just beware. i always believed in karma.

p/s: death note rocks! anime or movie.

B One - My 19th

2006-10-16T21:23:00.000+08:00

On Saturday night, at the world's most sleaziest and uncle-fied place, B ONE.
HAHA, enjoy.

Within minutes, on stage. For the birthday peeps.

Havent even warmed up! Check out tt dude behind.

Wuddup..

Very cute ONGBAO.

Check out yb's boobs =)

Just had to study!

Thank you very much for blessings, karine.

Calvin (He must be feelin giddy at that time alr)

The thing is tt dude behind.

Still inside! BAD PHOTOGRAPHER.

October babies.

=)

Hm. Haven drunk!

Gossipin abt the ugly crowd.

John tan.

I'll never forget that spot where the bouncer is. SEED OF A FIGHT LATER ON.

And it's all because of that girl beside me.

Getting all crazy and boring

Can someone tell me what she's trying to do?

I realised it spreads.

And again

We all live for this, aint it? LOVE THIS PIC.

I was getting hyped up by the intensity. [of what?]

HEHEHEH.

=)

Doesn't calvin looks like he's hugging me from behind?

TA-Da! Things that happened that night:
1. I knocked down a 1/2 filled Heineken and FULLY filled Corona. Hai.
2. I dropped a slice of cake.
3. I dropped my $2 note, keys, and MY FOUNDATION CASE which broke, upon getting down the cab.
4. I carelessly left my mobile number for this dude.
5. YanBing was the cause of a fight, which happened SECONDS after we stepped our tired feet outta the place. I SWEAR. Cos we were just outside talking, then the 2 parties rushed out. Well, and they were proximity to her before that. AND YOU KNOW =)
6. We were the youngest crowd there, therefore deemed as fresh blood. Therefore, we aint going there anymore. Erm, I might, sometimes, with safe people like xiaowei. HAHAHAHAHA.
7. This lady offered me Bvlgari hand cream in the ladies. FOR WHAT? And I already have it at home.
8. WE ALL LOVE BEYOND.

That's it folks!

Xiao Gui's reply!

2006-10-15T14:34:00.000+08:00

LOVING ME.!!
Super happy man.
Last night was crazy.
MEN ARE SUCH JERKS.
All of you.

My 19th Birthday

2006-10-14T18:38:00.000+08:00

MANY HAPPY RETURNS TO ME.
I've finally turned nineteen.
Note to self: Go for a makeover before i hit 20.

I just returned from St. Gregory Spa at Grand Plaza Park Royal.
I went for bikini line wax! WHEE.
Despite all the anxiety earlier on, it was really, really, tolerable. and better than expected.
The place is very relaxing and the changing room is excellent.
Ladies out there, you need to look at this.

First, you're asked to put on disposables instead.
You remove your bottoms and lie on the bed, covered w blanket.
"Mandy" appears and says "Let me take a look first."
HAHAHHAHA. Take a look at what?!??! MUAHAHHAHAH =) you know.
She starts to snip off whatever parts w a scissors while commenting "it's quite clean already actually."
Hearing this, I panicked thinking this is the end. Does she just snip them off? Yeah, i FORGOT the wax strips haven been used lar.
After which, you move a hand and hold the bikini line part of the disposables.
"Mandy" (OH, actually before cutting she applied antiseptic) applies teatree wax (it looks green in color). YES, GIRLS, it's HOT. But totally tolerable and the feeling is similar to hot tears on ur cheeks.
She takes a piece of strip and smoothes it down onto the applied part.
Once, twice, thrice.
And then, she obviously TEARS it off gently.
WHAMM. BAMM. SHMPPPPPP.
Twice. I said "Ooooo, so this is it."
AHHAHAHAhAH.
And everything repeats until your bikini line is clean.
Whee whee! Reallly clean leh. I feel refreshed =D
"Mandy" applies powder and soothing gel after which i was asked to give it a check.
AWKWARD PART I TELL YOU.
Imagine pushing away the disposables and checking it out.
Peek. At. My. BL.
Anyway! The service was great. We should really go to established outlets for waxing and brazilian.

Next thing. The changing room provides locker. Which is fully equipped.
I should have bathed there instead of aza's house. HAHAHHA. Make full use.
Hai, wenta relaxation lounge. Had hot water, a plum, read an article.
There wass fruits and magazines and really relaxing.
Ha aza, that's why i didn't sms u immediately. Awy, my batt died.
Hmm, after which i checked out the mirrors and all.
They have the same hairdryer as TrueYoga. Is it damn cheap in bulk?
I tried it and thought nothing of it, cos its quite heavy.
BUT, the cold air part. is. great. COOLER THAN MY HAIRDRYER.
WAH LAU! Totally cold air.
Spent some time making up and doing my hair.
The atmosphere was excellent and aromatic, I felt damn damn damn pretty there.
The cosmetic mirror was HUGE and MAGNIFYING.
There was even a sanitizer for hair combs!!

Alright, that's my experience at St. Greg's.
Expecting to enjoy other treats if i have dough.
AZA: I paid full price because the birthday treat only applies to MEMBERS. I could have gone for brazilian in the 1st place! Grrrr.
Awy, "Mandy" also advised that if you could take the pain of bl waxing, you could take the pain of any other parts.
Yay, lai ah! Brazilian!

Watched Death Note last night w Aza, Sy and Yx. I love it though yx thought it sucks. I self chose my presents of love: A very-my-style grey top from Forever21 and Shu Uemura Rouge. Thanks love...

*Gon have real hella out of time later at B One! I get a free bottle of Chivas leh. =)
Thanks to all who've holla at me last night. Heyy, tonight's the man man!

P/S: I kinda "tripped" the disposables over my heels and one of the rubber came off. 3rd day nia! Talk about anyhow brands. I'm an unbalanced walker.

Another note to self: Must be happy!

Black Friday

2006-10-13T01:39:00.000+08:00

It's black friday!
Friday the 13th marking 14th October soon, which happens to be my birthday.
OH MANNNN.
I've received 1 present to date. From jacob. Oh well, i alr know what my friends are giving me. So i guess that's it.
Had a pre-celebration w Rena, Cheng and En.
Cheng brought fireworks! 1st time I played on a celeb.
Thanks all/

Don't know what to say so I'll just put up those pictures taken on Angela's ROM.
I wish Sony Ericsson would release w850i in white ASAP!

Blessings. Weirdest combination of all. I don't even know who's beside me!

She tried to smile.

After too many awkward tries.

I think your hair is straight, that's why i put this despite your warning.
Salon she went to: 2way Holistic, by Jeffery

SERENEEE.

Okay, that's it for now.
Expect more shots to be put up soon.
HALLO 19!
I've known myself for 19years but YOU KNOW.

Pre: Angela's wedding chalet

2006-10-04T01:18:00.000+08:00

It's the start of October.
Known as Ocktober, in some faraway country.
Recent events have been so crazy.
I no longer yearn for superman.
Strength and Courage, please come to me and stay.

We all know the truth hurts.
But how painful can it be?

An unintentionally act, turns into deep betrayal.
I never knew the taste of betrayal.
Now I do.
It was the first time I suppressed my feelings, looking into someone's eyes, and teared, and sobbed, and trembled.
Yes, into his eyes.
I can't imagine what life would be.
Why the hell can't we stay the same?
Can't he see i'm TRYING(much as I do not believe in this word) as hard?
I am. I am.
WHYYYYY.

And sometimes, you just CAN'T look at the surface of things.

I feel drained.
Someone, anyone. COME!
//Tmr will be a good day though. I wish. Let time stop.

PastaMania, IMF Fireworks

2006-09-24T19:03:00.000+08:00

Pasta mania @ FUNAN

???

WAHAHAHA

DECENT (i realise it's a repeat!)

IMF fireworks

Wanted to make my blog livelier.
Though I really wanted to write about morose stuffs.
HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.
Mahjong w kb, chang, rod last night.
Felt weird they came to my place da 1st time.
I won $2, though I really won quite alot of rounds w big folds.
And I'm gon be sick!
Chang, get well soon.

Til Kingdom comes.
You'll hear from me real soon, while im bored at the office.
I've just finished reading yet another piece by James Patterson.
The LakeHouse.
GREAT.

Office Quotes

2006-09-21T12:06:00.000+08:00

"One of the dangers that happens to most of us is not that our targets are too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it."
- Micheangelo

Saw this in one of the rooms.
Office hours are so boring!

Taken on our 1st week of work.

..After reading aza's blog*
This was what I got from my dad last night.
After a heated phone conversation which if you would know, u'd do the same if you were in my shoes.
Translated
"Forget it, 3 of my daughters are not the same anymore. You all have grown up, there's no need for me to be around. I'm leaving. Bye Bye."

Seriously, how can we be like the past?
When everything's already not the same anymore.
No more.

WHY LIKE THAT AH?
FUCK HOLIDAYS FUCK MY LIFE.

Battered by the rain (Sunday)

2006-09-17T19:47:00.000+08:00

Today is an absolutely slack Sunday.
I'm quite looking forward to not working.
Wish this Global Shell Tracker thing would end soon.

What phone should I buy?

15th Sept BASH DAY

2006-09-15T16:20:00.000+08:00

Hello. I'm blogging at work everyday cos there aint anything to do.
Results is out! I was in bed at 818am when Np's sms came. I wondered who the hell 77877 was. My heart skipped several beats when i saw the "NP> CRM: blah blah"
Anyway!! I stayed for several minutes in bed paralysed with shock.
(Picture it!=D)
Very good weijing. You've finally gotten colors in poly life.
Oh I forwarded my results to several friends like aza, jieying, yuemei and my 2 sisters.

Some responses i got are as follows:
Timmy: :]Well done!
Big Sis: WHoa.. You have finally been studying. Congrats! (OS: Why congrats me? LOL.)
Yuemei(and she's e only discouraging one): ..But why do you have to show off? Why you never reply me after seeing my results? My friend LOOK DOWN on me.
Aint it weird? GO LIE LA YOU BITCH.
It isn't every semester I can share my fruits.

Anyway, so this morning while on bed, I was imagining how happy everyone would be when they know about it. But I begun to have a moment of blues thinking "what's the use of such improved results?". When you know, the one I really want to share my happiness with, isn't around anymore. I remembered timmy writing about her results and I could really feel how she felt at that point of time. Hai, so what is really the point of getting good results?
This feeling is similar to what I feel whenever I'm having a last paper and I don't have to study anymore.
Restless, pointless. That everything has halted and I don't have to lead a hard life anymore.

10min later...
Oh i stopped typing cos i was trying to re-do my hair.
YOU KNOW MY HAIR..!!
Okay, tonight is bash night.
I suppose it's a good month for us libran babes.
YanBing has passed her driving test as well.
CONGRATULATIONS TO US!! *dances around*
Shall celebrate with drinks with bao, wei, yb.
It's time to let my hair down, last weekend was a wreck.

Til Kingdom comes. Suddenly I appreciate being un-attached.
Shall prtscr for my results tmr. Bye!

Office woes

2006-09-14T18:44:00.000+08:00

I'm having office woes. Have been doing this data checking again and again.
Anw, haven been getting good sleep these days and you just gotta face da screen for more than 8 hours a day. And I feel that we part-timers are even more hard-working than the rest of the staff.

HAHAHHAAHHA
Cheng just peeped at what I was doing.
Cheng: "AH HA, again..?!
I smiled.
Actually my eyes are so drooping and I swear Im gonna sleep early tonight.
I shall miss entertainment but today's episode ain't nice.
Oh yeah, my hair doesn't get oily under the air-conditioned atmosphere.
What's worse is that I can't find anything green for resting the eyes.

Guess wht? Tomorrow's the day exam results are released.
I can't imagine I would receive the sms while reporting to work.
Really, I wish I wouldn't be disappointed. You know how hard I work this sem.
Phew.
Hai, some office ladies are chatting over wine on my right.
I miss my sleep.

Til Kingdom comes. I'm waiting for David to be at his desk so we could round up some stuffs. Aza: No hotties here. Hmm, I could find you during my break, prolly 1+. It's so near my office!
HUAT.

**Finished browsing npying's blog and thought of something I forgot to include.
I thought of this interesting phrase yesterday while working.
I think it's fantastic, how our minds work when you're damn bored.

Here goes:
"When the mind is in a restless state, the body does reckless things."
Afterwards, I laughed at myself as the making up of this sentence is one of the reckless things I do when I'm restless.
I can make up good stuffs even though I can't stand working! Ha

My Horoscope

2006-09-13T18:59:00.000+08:00

=) Check this out.

From Cleo's October issue:
Sept 24 to Oct 24
LIBRA
Love: To make magic happen, get clear about who you want. By the 14th, (MUAHAHAHAAHAH) what sounds corny will feel beautiful so enjoy old-fashioned romance. If you feel stuck, loverboy may have the contacts you need to climb the corporate ladder. (Oh, does that mean that this guy is from work? Cos by my birthday, I'll still be working around here. Stamford court.)

Life: Until the 24th, you'll be in the mood to make things happen. (MAUHAHAHAHA What things?! Teeheeheee.) Speaking up will bring the transformation you want for your life and career. (Right, excellent on this one.) But if you don't focus your energy positively, you could fall prey to gossip and bitchiness! (I suppose it means I should not oversleep.)

WHOA HOH!!!! Fantasic stuffs are waiting for me on the birthday. AlRight! YAY.
I love myself. Oh I bought this "Nu Ren Wo Zui Da" magazine from Kinokuniya. It featured all you girls needa know from head to toe. But sorry, I bought the last copy of this issue with Shu Qi on the cover, I took the last one used for browsing. And I know bugis's outlet has ceased stock. MUAHAHHA.

Still working on this project "Shell Global Customer Tracker" at work. Bah, I hate figures, decimals, numbers, stats. Why on earth did I work?

Til Kingdom comes!
I must have a prawning and swimming session soon. Separate.
JY: Next time ba! You so busy.
Am: You know it. Hehe.

2006-09-10T13:46:00.000+08:00

Mr X

Curls!

Yo!

2006-09-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

Oh well. I don't know why the pictures don't appear. Photobucket sucks.
Anyway, i went to pasir ris clinic again for follow-up a few days back.
And, considering i've been there about 4 times, i got myself lost again.
Mistook bus no. 21 for no. 12, i only realised i was on the wrong bus after an hour.
Ended up in Geylang. DAMN SIAN AH.
So gone were my efforts to save transport costs in using the train.
FUCCKKK. Why is it that i always get lost? So sick of calling up my friends and even sicker if i'm them.
"Hi, im lost."
"What?!?! You're lost again?!?!"
"Hm."
"..........."

Wed morning: Office work at Research International.
Damn lame cos i was sent back home after surfing the internet for 2 hrs.
The person i was supposed to help was in a meeting.
I surfed, blog-read, went to friendster etc. And got too bored and still, i get paid. MUAHAHHA.
Neverthelessly, i spent half of an afternoon to myself and bought epo, finally. Evening Primrose Oil.

Thurs: Finally had a project to do. Was supposed to use this new software, Havard Graphics, to convert charts into Microsoft ppt slides. I was sooo glad to be able to use this software, as i was exploring it the day before. But the thing is, the Dell laptop doesn't have any thumbdrive input, which means i can't steal the software!! I WANT IT. The work was indeed to be done extremely meticulously. It involved survey findings from users of Volkswagen. And the competition against companies like: Honda, Volvo, Mb, Nissan, Mitsubishi, Toyota, Lexus and so on. INTERESTING. HAHAHHA imagine i changed the data out of my own accord.
It would be:
1) What is your most heard brand name? MB. MUAHAHHAhA
I spent the whole day doing this, starting from after 2pm.

Fri: Last minute declared off-day. Stayed at home and slept like crazy again. PLEASE HELP ME. Was supposed to meet Mr T. for drinks, like finally. I haven seen him for about 2 years? And we always wanted to meet up, but never really did. Sooooo, i bathed and all at 11pm, waiting for him to finish his work, waited for confirmation.
BAH. Time goes by and soon it was 12am. Still no reply despite the location was fixed. It finally dawned on me we wasn't meeting at all. I was even curling my eyelashes!
And the night ended, and i don't believe i stayed at home on a friday night. Who ever says TGIF?!
Alright. Today is borringgggg. Hey Mr T., i know you were on a big case. But the feeling sucks.

Sunday.!
Event: Horny Uni Party
Place: Clubhome (Old madmonks)
Price: S$8 Cover + cheap drinks
What: Dress up in any uniform and come down!!! From 10pm onwards.
Sounds good? We're not going!!!! HELLO I PLANNED TO GO A WEEK AGO.
How about going Happy? Like finally lah. But still deciding. HELLO I DONT WANT TO ROT DURING HOLIDAYS! I craze alcohol lah.
Speaking of which, timmy just came in at 10+, drunk. My dad picked her up from downstairs. Wahahha, yanbing finds it funny to be drunk at 10+. Hahahah. Let's all drown ourselves in alcohol!
God, give me more things to do.
I'll appreciate the big and small things in life.
I'll not sleep so much, then! YOU KNOW IT.

Paya pictures

2006-09-05T14:20:00.000+08:00

http://photobucket.com>/a>"target="_blank">

http://photobucket.com>/a>"target="_blank">

http://photobucket.com" target="_blank">

http://photobucket.com>/a>"target="_blank">

http://photobucket.com>/a>"target="_blank">